Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: WAIT (05/21/20)
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TITLE: Caregiving Can Be Frustrating | Previous Challenge Entry
By Anne Warden
05/25/20 -
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Terra commented, “Maybe we should just tell your dad we don’t like the way he treats you, ordering you about, nagging you as if you were a ten-year-old instead of in your sixties, and making you stop doing what you need to do. Like when he told you it wasn’t necessary to change the headlight on the Dodge and to come in the house ‘right now.’ And how he insisted you throw out all your lawn equipment gas because he didn’t want it in the shop over the winter. Shouldn’t we just be honest with him?
Anthony’s eyebrows rose. “Will that really help?”
“It might, if he realized how his treatment affects you.”
“It won’t, dear. He’s still the same man he was when I was growing up. If I ask him to stop preventing me from doing what needs to be done, he’ll just control me all the more.” Anthony steered the conversation back to what was most important, “You said God brought us here to take care of him in his old age. Do you still believe that?”
“Yes, I very much do.”
“Really, I don’t mind being ordered around. He’s my dad, after all. I’ll do anything I can for him. But. . . .” The anger was creeping back. “What bothers me is not being able to stay busy. To be stopped from accomplishing every need. That’s the issue. I’m stagnating.”
There was a long pause before he spoke again. “Considering Dad often can’t remember in the morning about our talks the night before, what would Jesus do, in our shoes?”
A sigh of frustration escaped Terra’s lips. She threw her hands in the air. “I don’t know. I don’t think Jesus ever had to live in these exact shoes?”
“Jesus would honor Dad, wouldn’t He? And exercise compassion.” Anthony spoke the truth gently, yet his voice carried a slight chiding tone, aimed her direction.
Contrite, Terra answered. “I don’t want to be angry with him. Nor disrespectful. I think he’s having a hard time letting go of being the authority here. But he gave the property to us and told us to do what we want. When he stops us from truly living here, I want to remind him of his words. If we remind him often enough, maybe he’ll remember.”
“With dementia? And alcoholism? You’re the nurse. Tell me, will that truly work?”
“I don’t know. Dementia patients and alcoholics weren’t my forte when I was working.” She grimaced. “I disliked dealing with psych issues.”
Again her husband’s eyebrows traveled upward.
She knew that look. “I know, I know. This is where God wants us to be. Knee deep in psych issues. We’re caring for Dad’s physical needs. And keeping him safe. But how do we manage the relational conflicts caused by his dementia, combined with drinking?” She sighed again. “Oh, I don’t know what to do. Any more than you do.”
“Read the verse again, please.”
Terra picked up the devotional booklet. “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” She chuckled, already glimpsing God’s message to them. “That reminds me of what I read last night in Psalms.” Flipping her bible open to its bookmark, she found the verse. “. . . so our eyes look to the LORD our God, until He has mercy on us.”
It was Anthony’s turn to link a verse. “They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. . . .” He smiled softly. “We have our answer, don’t we? Give the problem to God. Let Him speak to Dad. Instead of us doing it. God’s voice is more effective.”
Terra nodded. “Then we wait for His mercy.”
“And wait patiently.” His face twisted. “Not my strong point!”
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Non-fiction
Galatians 6:9 (NIV); Psalm 123:2b (NKJV); Isaiah 40:31a (KJV)
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I'm not sure if this is a real story, but I want to thank all caregivers out there.