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TITLE: Child I Love You | Previous Challenge Entry
By Purity Snowe
06/22/06
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Bitter memories
Swirling pain inside me
I try to break free of them
But can’t
I’m trapped with no chance of escape
So many things I’ve done
Won’t go away
They’re malignant
A cancer eating at my soul
Who could love me?
I despair for my life
My death

Savage violations
Tearing scars around me
I try to conceal them
But can’t
They bind me, leaving no chance of escape
So many things have happened
Won’t go away
They’re acidic
A burning ember on my flesh
Who could love me?
I cringe at my life
My death

Brutal guilt
Enveloping pitch surrounds me
I try to forget
But can’t
I’m a prisoner with no chance of escape
I’m worthless, the sins I’ve committed
Won’t go away
They’re chains
Weighting me into the grave
Who could love me?
I want to take my life
Find death

A dawning
New light breaks around me
I try to look away
But can’t
I’m presented with options
Eternal or mortal
They won’t go away
Until I choose
A scarred hand reaches
“Child I love you…”
I give my life
Leave death

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Member Comments

Member

Date

Amy Michelle Wiley

06/22/06

Beautiful cadence, powerful message.

06/23/06

POWERFUL!!! I can't believe you 'threw this together.' I wish I could throw something together and it turn out like this. People like you, Maxx and Anita just amke me sick! LOL. Masterpieces in minutes. You should start a club! (wink). Honestly, this struck home. As do many of your writings, and your brought it full circle to God-which I love. One of your attributes is that you're able to capuslate on the emotions of someone struggling with past sins, yet you leave the reader with hope. Your ending was amazing. incredible. I don't know what else to say.

06/23/06

Ah... I think I recognize this author from the depth of the feelings portrayed. Very nice. Only one teeny-tiny suggestion... some of your lines/sections would have been a little more effective with appropriate punctuation at the end of a line; not all, just a few.

06/23/06

How love eradicates pain. Your poem is simply wonderful, strong and soul searching. It is just different and encouraging.

06/25/06

Another great piece of writing. At this point you have definitely proven to yourself that your prose/poetry works and you can do it with class. What I'd encourage you to do now is develop that further - take this and give life to a character, let us see her, put her in a setting, give us some dialogue etc. As the fitness ad says, "You can do it!"

Linda Watson Owen

06/26/06

Yes, you've allowed your reader to plumb the heart wrenching depths of need and progress to the light of restoration in this striking poetic verse.

06/26/06

It's all been said - beautiful, poignant, painful yet with that beautiful strong ray of hope at the end - well done!

Dr. Sharon Schuetz

06/26/06

What's left you say? Beautiful. You brought her through the depths of despair to the heights of hope. You brought life.

06/26/06

Wow! As always, powerful writing, and a marvelous infusion of grace at the end. I'm with Sally--consider branching out a bit next term: try some fiction, or something lighthearted or rhymed. You're a gifted, gifted poet, and I'd love to see what else you can do. Your talent, at such a young age, astounds.

Trina Courtenay

06/26/06

A talented MASTER poet. Oh what shall I do next week? When Purity Snowe has no poem for me to read? I'm not a poet & I know it.
Blessings,
Trina<><

Tiffanie Chezum

06/28/06

Incredible, powerful very well written. Another excellent job.

06/28/06

Oooo ... wonderful to say the least. You go girl ... again. Great job!

06/28/06

God can take those bitter memories and hardship and tuck them away in a place where He can love us through them. Great poem!