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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: NEIGHBOR (06/01/17)
Shirley gripped the broom as she swept her small front porch with gusto. Billows of dust flew down the front steps. She stopped for a moment to let it settle. With a sigh, she glanced about at her peaceful neighborhood, when she noticed the drapes move in her neighbor’s window. She waited to see if a person’s face would appear, but eventually the sway of the drapes stopped. She turned to enter her house.

“Excuse me.”

Shirley, startled, looked over her shoulder.

“Mrs. Herminghouse, I didn’t hear you walk up.” She went down her stairs to face her neighbor. “I thought I saw your drapes move.” She stared at her neighbor who clutched a bird cage in one hand, and leaned on her cane with the other. “Is there something you need?”

The woman stared back. “Could you watch my bird? I have to go out of town.” She held the cage a little higher and Shirley heard a rustling coming from underneath the cover.

“Well, I don’t know….” Shirley clutched the broom tightly, and shifted on her feet.

“My sister’s sick, and I need to visit her.” The woman’s voice cracked.

“You know I have a toddler.”

Mrs. Herminghouse sighed. “Yes, I definitely know that.” She pressed her lips together and glanced around.

“You also know I have a cat.” Shirley looked directly into the woman’s eyes.

“Yes.” The woman nodded and set the cage down on the sidewalk next to her feet. “I can’t take Ronnie. I’m going on the bus, and he gets carsick.”

Shirley tilted her head to the side. “Oh.”

“I’ll be back tomorrow.” Mrs. Herminghouse lifted the cage toward Shirley.

“I guess one night will be okay.” She took the birdcage and Mrs. Herminghouse walked away.

“Wait. What do I feed him?” Shirley hollered.

The woman waved and shuffled toward the bus stop.

Shirley walked up her steps and entered the house. She put the birdcage on her coffee table, and peeked under the cover.

“Hello Ronnie! Do you sing?” She giggled, but the small canary was quiet in his secure home.

As she walked away, a sound caused her to circle back. Mikey, her cat, was on the table sniffing the cage.

“No you don’t.” Shirley grabbed the bird’s home, and entered her guest room where she placed it out of reach on the dresser.

“I have to keep you safe Ronnie.” She left the room and closed the door firmly behind her.

When Tommy, her son, woke from his nap, Shirley led him to the guest room by the hand.

“We’re taking care of Mrs. Herminghouse’s bird. Would you like to see him?”

“Yes,” said Tommy. “Can I hold him?”

“No, we’ll just look, and then leave him alone.” Shirley opened the door, looked over at the cage, and gasped.

“Oh no!” She pulled Tommy into the room, and slammed the door.

The cage was on its side; its door wide open.

“We have to find Ronnie.”

Immediately she dropped to her knees and peered under the bed.

“Mommy, should we pray?” Tommy dropped to his knees beside her.

“Yes!” Shirley then jumped up, as she searched for a glimpse of the yellow bird.

She hurried to the curtains, and pulled them back. As she shook them, a light yellow feather drifted into the air, and floated to the floor. Shirley’s hand covered her mouth, as Mikey the cat, appeared from the corner licking his lips.

With wide eyes Tommy looked at his mother. “Did Mikey eat Ronnie?”

***

Shirley paced in her living room with an occasional glance out the window. She rubbed her tired eyes, caused by a sleepless night.

The doorbell sounded. She clenched her hands together. Lord, please give me the words! She paused briefly, and then opened the front door.

“I’ve come for Ronnie.” Mrs. Herminghouse stood stiffly on the porch.

“Please come in, Mrs. Herminghouse. There’s no easy way to say this.”

Her neighbor leaned heavily on her cane as she wobbled into the house.

Shirley cleared her throat, and drew in a deep breath. “Ronnie’s gone. My cat ate him.”

Her neighbor stared at her, nodded, and then looked down at her feet.

“I’m so sorry,” Shirley said quietly.

“Well…I guess he’s with my sister in heaven now.” She turned, and carefully stepped out the door.

Shirley followed after her. “Is there anything I can do?”

“Nope,” she answered as she descended the stairs. “Now I’m free from that varmint.”







Based on true event
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This article has been read 619 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
C D Swanson 
06/13/17
Nicely done,
Blessings~
Bonnie Bowden 
06/15/17
I can't believe this story was based on a true story. I'm glad the neighbor didn't have any real attachment to Ronnie. It must have been difficult to have that conversation.
Deborah Porter 
06/20/17
Karen, there was so much I liked about this, and it made my hand fly to my mouth with a gasp when I read what happened to Ronnie.

The main critique has to do with the end of the story. It didn't quite pay off as well as the reader would hope. It needed a little more oomph in Mrs. Herminghouse's reply. It fell a little flat. It needed a lot less time in the lead up to the "big event," and a lot more time spent stressing over how to break it to Mrs. Herminghouse. Follow that with some extra punch to the way Mrs. H delivers her last line, and that would bring the story home in a great way.

Good story for the topic, though. Always good to see you in the Challenge, Karen.

Blessings! Deb (Challenge Coordinator)