Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: First World Problem (04/17/14)
- TITLE: I Want
By Pauline Carruthers
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Little girl hiding behind her mother’s skirts, sun glinting on light brown curls, face pressed into soft cotton. Sad blue eyes focused on a row of drab front doors all the way down the street. When evening came there were daddies behind those doors, except hers. It made her feel inferior. She didn’t know the word, but she knew the feeling and it lingered like the smell of damp laundry drying in the tiny kitchen.
It lodged in her soul and hardened her heart against what she did have. A loving mother, grandparents, a precious sister. Sometimes a voice in the night called her name. But she didn’t recognise it as her Heavenly Father. In the night she just wanted a daddy.
Little girl, half grown, Wellington boots trailing through thick snow. Feathery white flakes settling on upturned face, nestling like a cotton wool cap on damp hair. She was on her way to visit her best friend who lived in the big house with the huge imposing ornamental gates. She craved a house like her friend’s house. Such a house would give her status and contentment.
Little girl, grown up, wedding day dawning. She took the pretty yellow dress from the hanger, holding it against her slender body. It wasn’t the long white wedding dress she had dreamed of and she wouldn’t be stepping out of a big black limo outside an old church, wedding bells ringing, bridesmaids waiting. But it was pretty. She took the borrowed gold sandals from their box and laid them by her bed. Clipping her long brown hair to one side with a delicate yellow silk orchid, she gazed into the mirror, longing for the beautiful white wedding she had stood and watched only last week.
He was waiting for her as she stepped out of the hired car outside the Registry Office. A small group of friends greeted her, smiles lighting up eager faces. His eyes never left her face as they made their vows. Yet the recklessness of acceptance assailed her soul like a passing cloud momentarily obliterating the sun. There was no doubt in her mind that he loved her. Everything in his being cried out his feelings as he placed the thin gold ring on her finger. But she wanted more than love. She wanted a lavish white wedding like her friend‘s wedding. An enormous well furnished house, a pristine white nursery, like her sister’s, for the tiny secret nestling in that hidden place. A hint of resentment flitted like a butterfly around her heart and she allowed it to linger. But there was no turning back.
Little girl at heart, mid-life crisis looming. Kids grown up. Solid old house with a big bay window, curtained in flouncing frills and shining with crystal droplets of autumn rain. A lavish rainbow spanned the houses opposite like a promise in a dark night. A Bible lay open on the desk and she turned the pages with opal ringed fingers. Diamonds had not yet found a niche in her jewel box, but a loving husband was working all hours to satisfy her craving for a diamond ring like her sister wore.
The account of Adam and Eve in the garden absorbed her thoughts for a while. She considered the story of all they had been given and yet Eve craved what she had been told she could not have. Satisfying her craving she had listened to the voice of temptation and taken the forbidden fruit, entangling her husband in the sin, destroying their existence in the beautiful garden. Staining their relationship with God.
The words, ‘You shall not covet’ were trawled from the depths of her mind. As a new Christian she had not fully understood their meaning, but now it was like a revelation. Covetousness had ruled her life. It was destructive. The cause of discontent, greed. It divided families, created division between nations, caused wars and reduced men to savage instincts in their intrepid race for the acquisition of what had been allocated to others. And it had all begun way before Adam and Eve, when Satan and his angels had been hurled down to the earth following the great battle, because Satan had coveted God’s glory and power.
Little girl quietly weeping. Head bowed in silent prayer. In middle age she had found her Father and He had called her His child. Repentant head lifted to accept His forgiveness. Covetousness overwhelmed by love. A new beginning.
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