Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Parable of the Good Shepherd (John 10:1-18) (02/15/24)
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TITLE: A Human Shepherd | Previous Challenge Entry
By Gloria Pierre Dean
02/21/24 -
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We were lost!
It was a clear day when we started the walk. However things changed the further up we went. Soon we could not see the way back because a thick fog had descended very suddenly.
The temptation to scream or yell was strong.
“Oh well, let's wait for it to clear’ said Bea.
So we waited and prayed.
Minutes later, we heard a noise.
“Baa..Baa” came the welcome sound and out of the fog emerged a small flock of sheep and they were being led by a man.
He avoided our calls to him. He was focused on his flock. He did not look at us.
Silently, we decided to follow him from a distance.
We felt that he had to do what he was doing.
I deeply respected his focused demenour and the togetherness of his flock. None of them strayed off the path.
We followed him for about half an hour, and then he turned to us and said
“Hello ladies. Stay on the path that you can see now and you will find your way back.” Then he waved as he moved off in another direction.
His sheep did not look at us. They were focused, like he was, and he led them safely down the hill. None of them strayed away or they could have fallen down into the treacherous valley below.
“They will never follow a stranger, but will run away from him, because they do not know the voice of strangers.”{John 10:1:5}
My heart and mind was moved by this human shepherd. He led his flock safely and wordlessly and then he did the same for us. We made it down and we were so moved by the experience that we shared it with our friends.
“When he has brought out all his own, he goes before them, and the sheep follow him, for they know his voice” {John 10:4}.
Jesus is The Shepherd of His flock. He laid down His life for us.
He brought us into His fIock..We are his sheep. As an obedient sheep of his flock, our desires, hopes and lives should never follow any other.
{Based on a true Event}.
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I think the message could be even more impactful by writing this in the style of a short story as if the reader were there with you experiencing what you experienced.
Adding personal touches like things you felt when the fog obstructed your vision and the relief felt when you heard the good shepherd.
You could also weave the necessary information of the trip within the story. By telling it as a story, you would not need to say what you learned and let the reader experience it personally.
One thing that might have been helpful if there had been spacing between paragraphs and quotations.
There were several times I had trouble following this gripping tale until I re-read it.
Congratulations on 1st place in the EC category and I hope to read more of your stories.