Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Proverbs 17:22 (05/04/23)
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TITLE: Blossoming as the Rose | Previous Challenge Entry
By Ronnie Puckett
05/09/23 -
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Becky was a lovely Christian girl. Hard-working and intelligent, she was also blessed with a kind and caring nature. Added to that, the eighteen-year-old was tall, slim and generally nice-looking.
What more could a girl ask for? But, unhappily, she suffered from terrible acne. It marred her face to such a degree that, as often as possible, she wore her long hair loose and untidy in an attempt to hide her appearance.
My husband and I met Becky when we were involved in the same Christian mission that she worked for. As we got to know her better, we learned she came from an unhappy and rather deprived family background. Understandably, she didn’t like to talk about it much.
Her boss in the mission’s head office was a kind-hearted older woman, who was like a mother to her. But Martha had standards and insisted on the girl tying back her hair while working. Obviously more practical. But as soon as Becky left the office she let her hair loose again, tending to hang her head down as well. It was sad to see.
Because of the nature of our mission work, we did not often go to head office. It was about two years later when we saw Becky again. I hardly recognised her. She was transformed. She had blossomed into a beauty! Her slightly unruly hair was tamed into an elegant updo; not one single spot was to be seen on her pretty face and she carried herself with graceful self-assurance.
Greeting us with a welcoming smile, her sweet nature still shone through. No pride there, simply an inner happiness giving her a new confidence.
What had happened? Then I saw the sapphire ring sparkling on the third finger of her left hand.
Privately, over a cup of tea in the office, Martha filled us in. Just over a year ago, a couple of young men had joined the church that Becky belonged to. One of them, Paul, found himself attracted to Becky, despite the disfiguring acne. He recognized and appreciated her inner beauty.
They fell in love and had been engaged for a month, with plans going ahead for a spring wedding.
“He’s a fine young man,” said Martha, “and has an excellent job in the city. But more importantly, he’s a firm believer in Jesus and the Gospel. I’m sure they’ll be truly happy together.”
Although I have changed the names, this is a true account, and a real-life example of a joyful heart being good medicine.
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Were you trying to write this as a short story? Either way, the beginning is listing a lot of facts rather than "showing". The first sentence should draw us into the story.
I counted 7 descriptive words at the beginning of the story. Does it really need that many?
This has the potential to make a really good short story.
Good to hear it is true. Keep writing.