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TRUST JESUS TODAY

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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: HISTORY (03/10/22)
I knelt in the closet and grabbed another box. It was early for spring cleaning. Not only had the groundhog seen his shadow, but the chilly weather and rain still lingered. Yet the unseasonably warm weather from the week before had confused us all. Trees now sprouted beautiful white blooms and birds of every color flitted to and fro, their melodic songs echoing through the window while I worked: sorting, shredding, and repacking.

My legs tingled from my uncomfortable position on the floor. I stood, stretched, then sat back down to tackle the next series of boxes. I lifted the lid from an old copy paper box and found some old journals. Bindings stretched, tightly packed, in chronological order, from left to right. I reached for the oldest notebook and opened it. It had been more than twenty years since I’d perused these meanderings.

I scooted over and leaned against the wall, getting more comfortable as I hunkered down. Propping the journal on top of my outstretched legs, I began reading from one, then snatched another and read several pages, then another, and another.

After a while, I leaned my head back against the wall and closed my eyes. “Lord, have I completely failed you?” I asked. These ramblings from decades earlier mimicked some of my same struggles today. I was saddened to realize that my Christian walk had not changed much over the course of time. The same prayers, complaints, and failures stared back at me from the pages. I thought I’d grown. When I’d looked back, I remembered a different person. Had I not matured at all?

Seek and ye shall find (Matt 7:8). Love the Lord Your God with all your heart, soul, and mind … and love your neighbor as yourself (Matt 22:37-39). I have tried to live out these verses, seeking God through prayer and scripture—though I continue to struggle between obedient seasons and weeks of mindless activities that distract me from these spiritual disciplines. I have tried to show my love for God and others through service, acts of kindness, and giving. Yet, as I wallow in this current season of inactivity, I know that I am failing in this area as well. During this phase of life, I have more time than ever before to fulfill His commandments—why am I so inconsistent?

“Therefore go and make disciples of all nations…” (Matt 28:19 NLT). I’m involved in a ministry that used to have thirty volunteers who needed to learn how to tell Jesus' story through their personal testimonies. They needed guidance on how to plan events, facilitate Bible studies, and other activities vital to having a successful ministry. At one time, I was instrumental in providing this training. Yet now, because of COVID, our team has dwindled down to five volunteers and the doors of opportunity seem to have been sealed shut. I am discouraged and unmotivated.

I think what bothers me the most is not what I am, or am not, doing in this season of life, but the heart condition of the person who wrote those journals. The self-centered rants on those pages—and their uncanny resemblance to the person I am today.

“The words you speak come from the heart…” (Matt 15:18 NLT). I know that it isn’t only words, but my thoughts and actions that reflect the condition of my heart. Yet, in my heart, I want to do … and say … and think things that are true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable (Phil 4:8 NLT). But, just like Paul, “I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead I do what I hate” (Rom 7:15 NLT).

I have always wanted to leave a godly legacy—to live a life that glorifies God—and some days, I believe I am. Yet reading the words I scribed so many years earlier, and seeing their similarity to my thoughts and feelings today, has revealed that I still have a long way to go. The Bible says all have sinned and fallen short of God’s glory. Yet those who call him Lord are expected to mature and grow in godly wisdom, aren’t they? As I continue to run my race, I will rest in the knowledge that whenever I fail, God still watches me through the redeeming blood of his Son, Jesus.
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Member Comments
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Date
Art Fahy 
03/22/22
Thank you for your work.

I can relate to the sentence, “The self-centered rants on those pages and their uncanny resemblance to the person I am today.”

I have said it many times, “when am I going to learn?”

Then I remember God looks at our heart. That is how we are judged.

Keep writing.