Revealed | Previous Challenge Entry

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TITLE: Revealed | Previous Challenge Entry
By Laurie Bahlke
08/16/21
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A few months following my mother’s death, I found a letter in an old plastic bag from a department store. The plastic bag contained a handful of photos, a couple of picture frames and the letter, handwritten by my mother on unlined white paper and neatly folded into thirds. The letter had the name of her lifelong friend written in cursive, black ink across the front and was made up of several pages. I asked my father for permission to read the letter and later to type and send it, along with the original copy to mom’s friend. Without hesitation or protest, my father agreed.

The letter was dated 1992 and was written during a time when my mother was facing health problems that were serious enough to prompt reflection on her life. She started the letter with the words “let’s take a journey back through our friendship”; almost immediately I realized the letter was meant to be both gift and reminder on how much their friendship had meant to her. As I read further into the letter, I found a passage that talked about her gratitude to her friend because of the care she gave to me and my younger sisters when she was hospitalized. The letter did not state the cause of the hospitalization but something about the wording she used made me feel sad.

It took me nearly four months to rewrite and then type up the letter partly due to the many times my mom had written in new thoughts, squeezing them between lines and words, so that it was sometimes very difficult to read and decipher, but mostly because grief would not let me move through it quickly. I cried my way through much of it and felt fatigued and spent each time a section was completed. By late spring, I had finished it and sent it off to my mother’s friend.

When my mother’s friend called to thank me for it, I could not stop myself from asking near the end of the conversation about the cause of the hospitalization my mother had referred to. I had often wondered whether I was too young to remember, had just forgotten or, I simply was not aware. There was a long pause before she answered, “Your mom had been really depressed and she needed help. She was in the hospital for nearly a week. You were young, so I am not surprised you don’t remember.”

My mom was seventeen when she married my father and barely eighteen when she gave birth to me. I was an unplanned child and she had yet to finish high school. My mother did not tell me, but I have learned that my grandmother shamed her and forced her out of the house. Despite this, my mother persisted to graduate not only from high school but went on to become a well-respected Registered Nurse. Having a child and being married at such a young age likely meant that her goals and life dreams had changed, perhaps there were dreams she had to let go of and she grieved their loss. She hid her sadness until she no longer could. The disguises she created for herself and that allowed her to move forward and to be resilient in the face of challenge slowly fell away until she had to face her feelings, her loss, her heartache.

My parents were married for fifty-five years before she passed away. Within that span of time, there were surely additional highs, lows and choices she made that caused her to reflect and to question, her journey in life. It has made me a bit sad to think of her as being sad and in fact, it sometimes breaks my heart.

I am a faithful Christian and yet I know the power of sadness and inner conflict just as I know that these things are bound to show themselves in this earthly life. During these times, Gods calls us to draw close to Him in prayer, petition, request and in thanksgiving when the masks come off and allow us to boldly walk through the darkness. Because of His love and mercy, He has also provided us with friends and professionals who can tend to our broken hearts and better help us navigate difficult times. That old plastic bag had hidden a message of friendship and for me, revealed yet another truth about God’s faithfulness in both the valleys and the peaks.

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