Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Control (01/30/06)
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TITLE: A box of Cherries | Previous Challenge Entry
By Shirley MC
01/30/06 -
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Debbie prayed as her tears rolled down her face.
“God if you are listening, why did you take her away, I need her.”
Debbie kept praying and crying when a man walked up to her.
“Excuse me Miss, are you ok?”
Debbie looked up and wiped the tears from her checks.
“Does it look like I’m ok, please just leave me alone.”
The man sat next to her keeping to himself and held a box of cherries.
Debbie could smell them she stopped crying and turned towards the man.
“Do you want some Miss?”
Debbie nodded her head.
“You know Sir, Cherries are my Grandmas favourite fruit.”
“Well why don’t you take the box.”
Debbie lost control and started crying again.
“Miss, did I say something wrong?”
“No Sir, it’s just, I just found out she has passed away.”
“I know”
Debbie turned and looked at the man to see if she recognised him.
“Did you know my Grandma?” She said.
“Yes I did.”
“How come I have never seen you before?”
“Oh Debbie, I have always been with you.”
“What do you mean?”
“Debbie let me tell you what my Father told me.”
“He was walking through his garden; he noticed there was something missing.”
“He looked down to earth and noticed your Grandma; he noticed her warm heart and love. She was just what was missing.”
“He is always in control and never leaves us alone. She is where she belongs.”
“She has brightened up the garden so much she is just what was needed.”
The man wiped the tear rolling down from Debbie’s eyes.
“He sees everything, now take the Cherries and remember he didn’t take her away from you, he took her home where she belongs.”
Debbie received the box and turned to put them on the other side of the bench.
When she turned back the man was gone and a Rose left in his place.
Debbie stopped crying and looked up to the sky.
“God I know you control all things, so please save a spot next to my Grandma for me.”
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There were a few grammatical errors in this piece (The word "cherries" should be in lowercase, misplaced commas, etc). I thought this was still a very good story.
Nice job!
"mystery man" and good job on the dialogue.