Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: ESCAPE (03/04/21)
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TITLE: The Restless Retiree | Previous Challenge Entry
By Tammy Ortung
03/11/21 -
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I stand when it’s time for my farewell speech. Within minutes the rolled-up note cards in my hand are completely forgotten and I begin to ramble. “The truth is, it’s time for me to go … I’m just exhausted,” I say in every way imaginable. For years, I have longed for an escape from the eighty hour work weeks, extensive travel, and constant job-related moves. I feel lighter when ceremony ends and I float out the door one last time.
Retirement is amazing at first. I relish the extra time I have for all the hobbies that sat idle for too many years. I listen to podcasts or books on tape as I diligently sew purses, totes, quilts and other projects. I play guitar several times a week, and teach myself how to play chords on the keyboard. I love my new life.
I prayed for over a year before retiring about what God wanted for this next phase of my life. I had grandiose dreams of being the next Beth Moore or Joyce Meyers. And while I didn’t have all the answers, I was convinced God was going to use me in a big way.
A month goes by, then two, and doors begin to open. I start speaking at women’s ministry events, luncheons and retreats—and sometimes, they even ask me to come back. I start a blog, write some small group conversations, a Bible Study, and then finally a devotional. I’m on fire.
Until I’m not.
Did I misinterpret God’s plan for my life?
When COVID hits, my discontent escalates. A year later, it is still slapping me in the face, sticking its tongue out as it taunts me. I am suffocating from my idleness. Numbed by the monotony of binge-watching Netflix, playing Sudoku or losing on Trickster. Boredom, or maybe depression, consumes me with its intensity. It has been ten years since I last felt this overwhelming need for escape. I think anything is better than this.
Ding. The sound of the text notification surprises me as my phone has been unusually quiet in recent months.
“Hey, not sure if you’re interested, but there is a teaching position open at the local high school,” I read.
Several months earlier when my discontent was at its peak, I’d searched for job openings in the local area. I’d even gone as far as updating my resume and applying for several positions. This insanity was short lived, and when I didn’t hear back from any of the prospects, I put it behind me.
Though I haven’t been actively looking for a job, I’d prayed for God to bring something worthwhile into my life. I wonder if this job is the answer to my prayers. The more I ponder it, the more convinced I become that it is the answer. So with little hesitation, I apply and within a month I am offered the position.
The next six months are a whirlwind. I barely have time to breathe and I definitely have no time for family. Once again, I feel this overwhelming desire to flee this situation I created by my rash decisions. But I’m on contract, so escape is several months away. Maybe then, I can finally focus on what God wants me to do.
Just as Jesus could not escape his destiny, “My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done.” (Matt 26:42 NIV), I know that I cannot elude God’s ultimate plan for my life. The truth is, I don’t want to—I just can’t figure out what it is. I know that true fulfillment comes only from being in God’s good and perfect will. Yet I continue to pave my own trail toward another dead end.
“Lord, I need you. Give me wisdom and discernment to know your will. Wrap me in your loving arms, the place of comfort I never want to leave.”
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