The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
01/21/21
This story has a ton of potential. However, the continual use of passive verbs weakens the experience considerably. Show your readers your angst, don't just tell them. Put the reader in your shoes, hearing excited voices, watching faces concentrating on work, etc. Show, show show! You have a unique experience to share with the reader. Let the reader taste, smell, feel and hear the Thai culture!
01/21/21
I enjoyed reading about your experience. So interesting!
01/21/21
Thank you for sharing your experience.
01/21/21
I like how you describe the gap between what you've known and what confronts you in your new environment.
01/26/21
I suggest omitting the paragraph about the unlikelihood of being sued. That topic became my focus, taking away from your handiwork theme. Aside from that distraction, I really liked your story.