The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
12/12/20
What a fascinating story and you wrapped it all up so well! You might want to consult a thesaurus to find different words for the same meaning, that way, it does not become redundant. Well done and I hope this places high!
12/31/20
this story has a ton of potential, but needs some tweaking. Here are my suggestions:

1. You need a stronger hook. Personally, I'd begin with your "head" sitting on the counter when guests came to check into the motel. That would really grab the readers attention!

2. Concentrate on a few of the points and develop them. Use active verbs to pull the reader into your story. Don't tell what you did, how long, etc. SHOW the reader. Hope that helps!
I do indeed look forward to His restoration; a new heaven and a new earth, a new body and the chance to see our loved ones forever! Great story.