Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: HOPE (10/29/20)
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TITLE: Darkness Dissipated | Previous Challenge Entry
By Tammy Ortung
11/01/20 -
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Voices echoed off vaulted ceilings in the old stain-glass-windowed church. Michelle stood in her pew singing along. She envied the expressions of pure joy on the worship team member’s faces. They stood, hands raised, eyes closed and lifted toward heaven as they swayed in perfect rhythm. They looked as if they meant every single word.
She never understood how others could blindly trust in God. No matter how hard she wanted to believe, the lyrics felt hollow. When her universe had shattered almost a year earlier, she’d continued coming to church, yet it had failed to ease the anger and hopelessness in her heart.
She still remembered every vivid detail as if it were yesterday. Her husband had worked downtown, taking the ferry from Manhattan to Penn Station every day. He slaved 60-70 hours a week, sometimes opting to stay with a co-worker in the city whenever he had an early morning meeting. She’d met the man once during a company Christmas party.
“I want a divorce,” he’d said one evening after dinner when the girls had gone to their room. She stood, tightly gripped the dirty plates she’d been clearing from the table, and stared at him disbelievingly. She’d felt the distance growing between them in recent months but had attributed it to his stress at work.
“I’ve found someone else,” he said, plunging the knife even deeper. Too numb to respond, she plopped into the empty chair next to her, completely oblivious to the dishes she still held. Unfettered tears streamed down her cheeks.
“I think I’ve always known,” he continued, undaunted by her distressed. “I’ve struggled with these yearnings for years, but when I met Sal everything became clear. I’m in love, really in love, for the first time in my life.”
She couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t speak. So many questions swirled through her mind. Where had she gone wrong? How had she not seen the signs? What would their neighbors say? What would their friends at church think?
He left the next morning, returning only when she was away from the house to pack his clothes and other personal belongings. Within months, the divorce was final—and eighteen years of marriage over.
She felt like the woman with the scarlet letter on her chest. Though she had done nothing wrong, she could not assuage her guilt. Maybe if she had been a better wife—a better woman—he would never have changed so completely. She couldn’t see her way through the dark space she’d inhabited since that day.
Michelle walked out of the church with a bright, false smile on her face. Fake it, ‘til you make it, her dad had always said. She hoped no one could see through her façade.
“Hey, Michelle. Wait up.” She turned toward the woman’s voice behind her. “You wanna do lunch?” Janice, asked when she caught up. They’d been close once.
Michelle started shaking her head, but Janice interrupted. “Don’t say no. Come on, we haven’t talked in ages.”
She gave into Janice’s persistent tone and eager expression. Lunch turned out to be tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches served in Janice’s sunroom. Yet even the bright light that streamed through walls of paned windows couldn’t penetrate the darkness.
They chatted about trivial things until Michelle finally opened up. She sobbed as her heartbreaking story seemingly unfolded of its own volition. Janice listened attentively.
“Can I pray for you?” she asked when the room went silent. Emotionally exhausted, Michelle merely nodded.
“Lord, I pray that you wrap Michelle in your loving arms. Help her to feel your comfort and peace that goes beyond all human understanding. And just as your Word says in Romans 5:5, help her to remember that your hope doesn’t lead to disappointment. Help her to know that you dearly love her and have given her your Holy Spirit to fill her heart with your love. In Jesus Name, Amen.”
Michelle left Janice’s house completely spent, but feeling lighter than she had in almost a year. During the drive home, she felt the darkness dissipate and a sense of peace and contentment entered her soul. Before long, a genuine smile blossomed and she started humming.
“My life is in you Lord, My strength is in you Lord, My hope is in you Lord, In you, it’s in you.”
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