Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Twilight Years of Life (07/02/09)
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TITLE: Where'd I Put My Teeth? | Previous Challenge Entry
By Cindy White
07/06/09 -
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ADD TO MY FAVORITES
But those they took from me,
When I failed to pass the eye test,
At the local DMV.
Now I've lost all definition,
‘Round about my waist,
And since I lost my sense of smell,
I’ve lost my sense of taste.
Every time I shower now,
I lose some more gray hair.
I've lost all feeling in my legs,
Just sitting in my chair.
Hid deep behind these wrinkles,
I've lost my supple skin.
And when looking in the mirror,
It's not the same smooth grin.
My teeth have all abandoned me,
Where did I put those dentures?
Maybe by the box of photos,
Depicting my adventures.
I've lost my flexibility,
In my fingers, back and knees,
And I nearly lose “control”,
Each time I cough or sneeze.
My sense of humor’s still intact,
The last thing that shall go,
If only I could hear the joke,
It’d make me laugh I know.
I’ve lost too many loved ones,
Had my share of pain and sorrow,
But I’ll find my joy in heaven,
Where there lies a bright tomorrow.
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Clever piece of writing ... and a good healthy attitude about the reality of passing years ...
I do think that if you could've done so, you should have split your last verse into two developed verses. It plunged the humour into two serious concepts right at the end without quite doing justice to either. Perhaps another line about serious losses, and then something about NOT losing faith to start the last verse.
One thing this did do for me (apart from make me grin) was to put into perspective how much the little things youngsters take for granted have the power to make life much more worthwile.