Rubber Chicken and Speeches | Previous Challenge Entry

how it works

TITLE: Rubber Chicken and Speeches | Previous Challenge Entry
By Corinne Smelker
04/17/05
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The Annual Convention used to be a thing of beauty, but these days there were no visitors, no big name guests, just the same men and women. This year the Convention was held in a much tattered motel conference room, but in the guests’ eyes it was filled with gilded chairs and crammed with people.

“Order. Everyone congregate in the middle please,” The wizened man with a large S on his chest announced.

He watched in consternation as Spiderman jostled for space next to Batman. It was easy, he just rocked his wheelchair over Batman’s foot, causing Batman’s wrinkles to crease ever closer together.

Ooh boy. Spiderman is getting on in years. Superman mused. He isn’t just at death’s door; he’s inside admiring the carpet and tile, and taking measurements.

“Huh? Whaat? Did he say?’ mumbled Supergirl grabbing her mouth to make sure her teeth were secured.
“He said we … oh never mind,” Jimmy Olsen sighed. She had refused to put in her hearing aid, and this could be the first of many fruitless exchanges.

“Welcome one and all. This year we’re aiming to do something completely different. Catwoman has requested we take action against the evil that is afoot. This anniversary reunion promises to be one of a kind!”

Murmurs filled the room, punctuated by a couple of yells as the more hard of hearing superheroes were brought up to speed. Superman scanned the room Ah yes, there is little Robin – all grown up now. Using a cane I see. And who is that? No, it can’t be, that’s Mr. Freeze, only he’s dripping on the carpet. Oh dear, better not tell the hotel about that.

Catwoman rose to her feet, still graceful, if a little slow, her hair an attractive shade of white, streaked through with auburn, after all, she was a true Tortoiseshell, or so she insisted.

“OK. First order of business. We need to prove to the world that we are still viable members of the superhero society, and that we are needed!” Even as she proclaimed the message Catwoman wondered who she was kidding. The reality was most of the men and women sitting in front of her had only ever been one thing, and if you stripped that from them they had nothing, and none of them could face that kind of future – hence the annual meeting, a reliving of their days in the spotlight, a beacon of hope for humanity.

Spiderman had nodded off, gentle snores emanating from the wheelchair, and Batman gleefully prodded him with his walking stick. “Ehh? Wassat? Wasn’t sleeping, merely resting my eyes,” Spiderman protested.

“All the old villains are gone, in fact some of them are here today. Welcome!”
A half-hearted cheer went up as Penguin, Joker, and Lex Luthur stiffly bowed, creaking on their way back up.

“Our enemy today is more insidious than ever, and needs a multi-pronged effort to quash it. I have taken the liberty of creating a slideshow presentation of the enemy’s headquarters. Lights please.”

Jimmy reached for the lights and the room plunged into darkness, except for the projection unit in the front. The words, “Toys R Us” appeared on the screen.
“That ladies and gentleman is our enemy!” Catwoman cried. “They have removed our merchandise from the stores, replaced us with Teletubbies, Rugrats and Dora the Explorer. They claim we are outdated, in some cases over 80 years old, and they can’t spend money marketing old people. I call that discrimination I do, and we won’t stand for it!”

Cheers erupted from those who were still awake, and Spiderman did a wheelie with his chair, bashing into several others, causing them to hop around on one foot emitting language unbefitting a family-friendly superhero.

“Right.” Catwoman continued, “Here is the plan…”
After much repeating, yelling and consternation, all the superheroes were brought up to speed.

Superman called the convention to order. “All right, people we know what to do to! Now get to it!” Personally he had doubts any of them could fight their way out of a paper bag, but that wasn’t his place to say.

“Onward and upward,” called out Mr. Freeze as he led the troops from the room, “but first — to the bathrooms!”

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