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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Garden (09/07/06)
There is water enough in the garden for the unborn. I grew up in Idaho's wilderness.
There is enough water in that state to water every unborn child, in this world.
the steams in the winter, frozen part way, and fill the landscape with millions of gallons of pure creek water.
As I lay there sleeping, I heard a stream flowing past the beautiful double wide we were staying in. The creaking of the awning. continued to wake me up. suddenly.
snow, brought it down. Thousand so pounds of snow came crashing off of the roof,
causing the awning, and the stacks of firewood to be covered with over nine foot of
freshly fallen snow and ice. I jumped up and ran to look out the windows, they were
blocked, by the snow. As I ran out the front door to see the damage, I could hear,a stream of water flowing, someplace under the snow. Would it wash the large home off its resting place?

Will this letter , "wash living waters over your soul?" Its just a drink of cold water, Not a million dollar clean up god wants. For his Unborn. I am a witness the water is there. God waters our garden," why worry?"

There was so much snow over five foot on the ground, I could only hear it.
It took us hours digging snow from that awning, over two feet, just on it... But the
was futile. The thousands of pounds of snow and melted ice would win the battle.
Far down the creek, the water was bringing down , bridges, rocks, and dirt. I wondered to myself, What did I ever deserve to be caught in this giant mess. Yesterday , as I read in the news paper in Ponca, City news paper in Oklahoma, I came across an article, that said they were worried, about
global warming in Boise, Idaho. I could barely believe my eyes, Why would they
Why would they be worried about global warming there," in the mountains I once had been trapped in? "
The city below the large Lucky Peak Dam, Was always flooding in the spring. The Boise River, ran full , flooding parts of Garden city. Its a small community, once known for its beautiful gardens. The Chinese settled there. Churches were started. Enough water to grow a beautiful garden. Later abortion, stem cell research, became very evident. No time to waste.
Enough water for all. The unborn should have no problem getting water, "
in that state. What is the excuse for not watering a garden? Gods garden of the Unborn. The next morning, after the awning came down. I looked in the back
Yard, almost eight inches of water, was running up to the snow line, near the stack of wood. It was running from a spring, and off the mountain sides. What will Idaho's excuse to God, " for the Baby's not watered in the garden?" How many other states
will answer, " for the unborn's dry mouth", as they die 24 hrs a day from Abortion , and Stem Cell Research.
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Member Comments
Member
Date
PF Davids
09/15/06
A valiant effort on a critical topic. Humbly, however, I have to admit that I found this story to be surprisingly disjointed and hard to follow for an advanced level entry, and the allegory loosely tied to the concept. You may benefit from getting a writing buddy on FW to help you hone your writing to a finer point. I wish you the best as we both work on improving our craft to His glory.
Jan Ross
09/16/06
It may be that you're new to FW's weekly challenge, and assuming that you are, let me share a few pointers. You may want to pay more attention to your sentence structure as many of the sentences are incomplete. Many words were apparently omitted. That's one of the major problems we writers have -- we think faster than we type and inadvertently leave out words. Even when we go back and read through our work, we "see" words that aren't actually there. I struggled to find a strong tie to the topic -- this is a point you may want to remember in future challenges since we're judged on how well we handle the topic.

As for your topic of the unborn, it's near and dear to my heart. If this is your passion, I would work hard to develop your writing skills in order to effectively communicate your points because it's a message that the world needs to hear.

If I may, I would suggest that you try two things when our challenges start back up next quarter: (1) Find a buddy to proof your work before submitting, and (2) drop back down to the Beginners Level and work your way up. This will give you room to improve your skills without your readers comparing your writing to others in this Advanced level.

I just wonder, though, if you posted your rough draft rather than your finished work -- could that have happened accidentally?

Please be encouraged -- you have a message and God has given you the desire to communicate that message. I look forward to seeing you grow in your gift as you offer it back to the Lord as a sacrifice. God bless you! :)
Marilyn Schnepp 
09/16/06
Do not become discouraged...but follow the above comments; and work your way up to this level. With time, patience and work you will succeed. God Bless.
david grant
09/19/06
You have a desperately needed message. I hope you are willing to pressure the diamond from the coal, so your passion can be understood by your readers.