The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
07/22/06
What a great object lesson! I'll pass this on to my daughter who teaches at a Christian school. It's just a personal preference, but this piece seems awfully dialog-heavy. I'd like to see it with more descriptions of what the teacher is doing with the liquids, the classroom environment, etc. Even so, you did it skillfully enough that it was easy to keep track of the players.
What a creative way to talk to kids about the effect of sin. Like Jan, I would encourage you to work in some descriptive language in between the dialogue to help the flow. What did the kids faces look like when the teacher poured the sewer water droplet into the clean bottle, etc.? This would make a wonderful article for a Christian children's periodical.
07/24/06
From someone who is a bit intimidated about writing dialogue, it's a blessing to read a story that does it so well! You held my complete attention as I learned your lesson right along with the school children. I'll bet your story gets reenacted in Sunday school classrooms and Christian schools everywhere! A definite "on-target" entry for Soul!
Nicely done, Edy. As a teacher myself, I love to see stories from the classroom. (Since I teach in an urban middle school-and have for most of my career-seeing kids have a discussion like this is nice, mostly fictional, but nice nonetheless.)

I thought your lesson idea was great. I also like the multi-cultural names. Very important.

As the others voiced, a bit of description is nice. But, you've done a great job of keeping the reader's interest strictly through dialogue. Very difficult to do, but you've done it well.

Great word, Edy!

08/13/06
Great object lesson. I can see Sunday school teachers using this. I also think it would make a great skit. Creative format for the challenge, too.