Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Break (02/06/06)
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TITLE: Shattered | Previous Challenge Entry
By Jan Ackerson
02/10/06 -
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His words crash and ricochet against the interior walls of my empty skull; I have not grasped a thing past the word break. I conjugate the horrible verb. She breaks, she broke, she is broken.
She lies on a gurney, pale and quiet but fully conscious. Has she been told? She smiles, a beatific expression. “I feel at peace, mom.”
I do not understand how that is possible. My daughter is the injured one, yet I know that I have been broken, too. My heart has shattered—my spirit has crumbled to dust. I do not feel at peace. I shake my fist at God.
Weeks and months pass in which I drape myself in the semblance of normalcy. When a smile is necessary, my lips part and I show my teeth. I learn how to say the words that are expected of me. In church services, I hear people praising God for keeping their loved ones safe—for traveling mercies. I scream shut up shut up shut up inside my head. There is no mercy. I break, I broke, I am broken.
I can not find God.
You are so strong, they say. You are so brave. You are such an inspiration.
I no longer wish to be strong and brave. I want to crawl into the arms of my Father and weep out all of my brokenheartedness. I want to be rocked, to hear Him hum a tuneless melody of comfort while I bury my face in His shoulder. But I can not get back to Him; I am weighed down by the darkness. I am lost.
So He finds me. I am surprised one Sunday morning to find myself at the altar, and then He meets me there.
Look, He says. I look at His hands. They are holding the shattered pieces of my heart.
Look. I watch as He presses His hands together.
Look. He opens His hands, and gives me back my heart, whole. It is not quite the same as it was before my daughter was broken—now it bears the fingerprints of the Healer.
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An honest picture of 'Why?' and the struggle back to the Presence of God.
Things too difficult to comprehend or understand yet you paint a beautiful picture of this very thing.
I too would have liked to hear more at the end - but you know, sometimes it's just that simple, when something so complex happens. Good work.
I know the main topic is the mother's broken heart, but I would've liked a bit of an update on the daughter's rehab - perhaps a comparison of her healing vs. the mom's healing.
So many people can identify with these words. As I read I was reminded of an old Twila Paris song - The Warrior is a Child. Thanks for posting.
Wonderful.
"now it bears the fingerprints of the Healer"...His scarred hands healing...wonderful word picture! I, too, could see this as a longer story...but it might be too difficult to write? I do hope you win!
I agree with the other comments...more, more, more. There is a much deeper story here. :)
The three Look lines at the end is so powerful.Just Great!