The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Congratulations on ranking 4th in your level and 11th overall. Happy Dance!
I think you did a nice job with this. Your great mental pictures drew me in right away.
The conflicts were evident right from the beginning.

One thing I might suggest along with your great descriptions is to add thoughts too. For example: Taking a deep breath, he stood and paced, flitting back and forth like a young bird. This meeting could make life easier, but then why do I feel so nervous? He quickly bowed his head and closed his eyes. Dear Jesus, I know you have always provided for me. I give you my worries and thank you for being in control. Amen.

Your message is a great one and it fits the topic perfectly. You had some tiny errors like chord instead of cord and when talking about ordering the wood, you should have said he had ordered wood because you're already using the past tense and his order is even farther in the past.

I think you did a great job in developing your character. The ending was great. I didn't see it coming at all. Nice job.