The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
08/15/05
I loved the story. The dialogue and the lesson flowed well. However, the end confused me. When you said, "Ethel looked out the window and saw something that wasn't so pretty, she saw her own heart." I know what you're trying to say, but for some reason that sentence didn't flow right for me. But over all, the story was terrific.(:
08/15/05
I agree with the comment about that sentence, but I also really liked the piece. I thought it was very well thought out!
Love it! This is a beautiful contrast of characters, right on topic and quite uplifting. Thanks!
I loved this! I loved the line about seeing something that wasn't pretty.... She saw her heart. VERY INSIGHTFUL! Talk about an eye-opener! I'd say this story has HIS fingerprints all over it! With some conviction mixed in, too. May we all catch a glimpse of our heart when it's not so pretty and ask HIM to change our hearts! Loved every bite!
A great dialogue and story with a touch of humor and a great lesson. "The heart can see all kinds of things the eyes can't. I meet people all the time who are more blind than I am." This is so true. Well crafted and compelling - good job.
08/19/05
I loved it! It started by grabbing me by the neck and pulling me in and held me the whole time. I thought the line about seeing her heart was great. A perfect way to bring in the conviction.
08/19/05
Wonderful!!! The characters were very well written.
08/19/05
You have a nice knack for dialog, and for giving each of your characters distinct personality.
08/19/05
Since you have such a gift for characters that enables the reader to get to "know" them, I'm curious about Ethel in the end. You also have a way of weaving poignant messages in your stories that make them a good read!
08/20/05
Lynda,
Great characterization! Could envision the old woman perfectly. Enjoyed the uniqueness of your story! Well done. :) Jo
I enjoyed the clever dialogue and the message behind this story. Just a couple of things that I picked up: your story is written from Beth's point of view up until the line where you've written, "to Ethel's dismay, a woman she'd never seen before..."

It's best to avoid changing the POV midway through a story.

Also, I thought that the second last paragraph was quite abrupt. The body of the story establishes a sense of immediacy because of all the dialogue, so to suddenly switch to a sentence like: "So on the tour that day, she focused on seeing more than just her own problems" seems a slightly forced way of trying to resolve the story. However, this will always be a challenge with the restriction of a word limit.

Overall, I loved the story, especially the line, "I meet people all the time who are more blind than I am." Thanks for sharing.
08/20/05
Enjoyed your story - I got a full picture of Ethel and the contrast of the blind woman. Nice job!
08/21/05
Completely realistic dialogue in a great story. Besides the favorite line of Sarah, I also like this one: "Ethel complained the whole time but didn't try to stop her." You show a lot about Ethel here.
08/26/05
What a great sightseeing tour of the different characters! Loved the picture in my imagination of Ethel waving her hand in front of Sarah's face!
09/01/05
Lynda, I LOVED this entry. And I wanted to make sure you knew (even if a bit late) that the judges loved it too. You were just a breath away from being in the Editors' Choice. You came in at 9th place overall and there was virtually nothing between you and the 8th place winner. You are a talented, delightful writer. Keep them coming! Love, Deb (you know - the Challenge Coordinator... in case anyone else is wondering why I'm telling you all this - LOL!)