The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Love the writing style--it really fit with the nature of the piece, and forced me to slow down and read it very carefully.

It'll be easier to read if you put spaces between all paragraphs, even the very short ones that consist only of dialogue. And I did catch one apostrophe in a plural noun, somewhere toward the end.

Excellent, edgy, very creative. Strong entry.
Couldn't figure what was happening at first, but realized the situation. Things cleared up by the end. Very well done.