The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
You've shared some humorous anecdotes in this story. I want to encourage you that more people will read your work if you use sentences and paragraphs.
These spontaneous stream-of-consciousness comments are quite entertaining! I agree, however, that this would be more appealing for your readers in a sentence/paragraph format.
Hi, I agree with the above. Nice puns, and interesting article. Without paragraph separation a little hard on the eyes.
And the ... at the end of the sentences are not necessary. Other than that, great story. God bless ya, littlelight
It took me a bit to catch the rythm but once in it held me to the end. Very good!
You are very observant with a great sense of humour, Bonnie, and it comes across well in your writing. To appeal to a wider audience you do need to be less disjointed - follow your thoughts through - and observe more conventional ways of presenting your work. Also proof read your work more carefully. But, above all, keep writing.
Hi Bonnie. I had to stop by and let you know that unfortunately we had to disqualify this entry because it was way over the word count. It came in at 867 words, and the maximum allowed for the Challenge is 750. The other problem is that when you join words like...this, that actually causes problems with the word count as well - it causes the two linked words to be counted as one word, instead of two, which means that your entry actually had an even higher word count than it appears. So please break up your sentences with one full stop and then a space, rather than joining everything together with .... and try to break your message into paragraphs. Setting it out like that will make it so much easier for the judges to read, understand. The other thing is to find someone to proofread your entries before you submit them. A few spelling mistakes don't cause too many problems, but when there are a lot, it's another thing that causes some problems for the judges as they read. As Val said though, the most important thing is to keep writing - but if you can find some help to hone your skills, then that would help you to get your message across without any distractions. With love, Deb (Challenge Coordinator)