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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Car Trip (07/18/05)
Take these three on a car trip? I am not going to do it god, I will shoot myself first....Ever had one of those trips? One is setting on the hood of the car, wheezing her legs, ...She is going to break out her windshield....When i asked her why, she said.....I do not want anyone to see me like that, with all that hair on my legs....... Its funny I barely noticed she had legs....But that is a mom...... You just do not worry about that sort of thing when you get to 56 years old...I will simply just braid mine....The next rest area, she would be doing the bee-bop, as soon as I pulled in....It is not hunting season, but I was so humiliated, and there were no rocks to crawl under, so I told God.....What would you do to me, if i just knocked her off the car..........She will make a good Christian God would tell me, if i let her live threw this car trip.....But God..... I am sure I would never act like that! The other Mom Was feeling her oats...Sassy and had a big mouth...The children's more or less just took care of themselves, When going in for dinner....We just took a broom and shovel, to clean up under the table...My Children's manners came first.... I was in total shock the whole meal...I could hardly wait to walk out the door... I Have no Idea what I was eating.....Of course after they left my daughter, asked for the broom and a dust pan.....She said Mom I am so sorry....I forgot to tell you....By this time shock was the order of the trip....I spent most of my time on the freeway exit, Hiding from the rest....I left my precious Daughter to deal with it.. In my sleep I still wake up one month later and say...... If you do not hurry up, I am leaving all of you..and straighten up you are embarrassing me....Don,t do that again...........Stop screaming in the rest areas, can, you be quiet...Those children are only 3 feet from you....Her dog was digging holes under the tree....The dog was always tied , under a beautiful tree, Anyone need a grave on the trip, we had someone to dig it......Put that dog on a leash and walk him....This is not a pasture...Coming back, we stopped and gathered another Christian to be....I was at the end of my rope and about to use it on myself.....I was so tird...we were in the middle of no where and sleepy, so ,,, Instead of killing ourselves or someone else..I pulled the car over on a side road... No facilities...just a dirt road, It was so peaceful, for one hundred and ten Minuit's....Then the words ...that will Eco in my life for the next ten years .. Where is the restroom.... We had to be thirty miles from the next rest area...You will have to wait...There may be snakes beside the road....I said God this is not happening , So the grumbling started... I am known for my little soap box....and my Christian sense of humor, which by this time , was no more... So I started cleaning house on doing without..Those who are sicker that we were....I Finlay found the store, walked in and a young woman with a cigarette behind her ear, met me at the door.... She had just had a stroke, her arm was paralyzed laying across her chest...Out of five adults, three Children, only my Son and I saw her. I asked her if she knew Jesus Christ as her savior, She shook her head no... I asked her about the hospital... She had no money she said....I convinced her she should go, and to give Jesus Christ another try...I said he loves you...As we left I realized my soap box, was in vain, for the rest of them...And I had probably been entertaining an angle...Would I forget about the nightmare and Help another living soul.... Of course I would...Was God testing me, To see if I would witness to he and help her however I could...I totally drew a blank that morning and could only think about the souls in the seats beside me....Would they be saved, or would they die and go to an eternal hell....Would I go that extra mile to see that they were saved...Or continue on my life, and never stop...and listen to God.... Well I can,t say I was not tempted to go my own way, and get out of Dodge....But Jesus works miracles..Can he stop Abortion, Fetal Research, and Harvesting? On one car trip, and save these three nuts? How strong is your faith on a car trip? ......Just be patient.. Jeremiah 29:11 For I have plans for you, Plans to prosper you and not to harm you....Plans to give you hope for the future...
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Crista Darr
07/26/05
You've shared some humorous anecdotes in this story. I want to encourage you that more people will read your work if you use sentences and paragraphs.
Beth Muehlhausen
07/27/05
These spontaneous stream-of-consciousness comments are quite entertaining! I agree, however, that this would be more appealing for your readers in a sentence/paragraph format.
Nina Phillips
07/27/05
Hi, I agree with the above. Nice puns, and interesting article. Without paragraph separation a little hard on the eyes.
And the ... at the end of the sentences are not necessary. Other than that, great story. God bless ya, littlelight
Maxx .
07/30/05
It took me a bit to catch the rythm but once in it held me to the end. Very good!
Val Clark
08/02/05
You are very observant with a great sense of humour, Bonnie, and it comes across well in your writing. To appeal to a wider audience you do need to be less disjointed - follow your thoughts through - and observe more conventional ways of presenting your work. Also proof read your work more carefully. But, above all, keep writing.
Deborah Porter 
08/03/05
Hi Bonnie. I had to stop by and let you know that unfortunately we had to disqualify this entry because it was way over the word count. It came in at 867 words, and the maximum allowed for the Challenge is 750. The other problem is that when you join words like...this, that actually causes problems with the word count as well - it causes the two linked words to be counted as one word, instead of two, which means that your entry actually had an even higher word count than it appears. So please break up your sentences with one full stop and then a space, rather than joining everything together with .... and try to break your message into paragraphs. Setting it out like that will make it so much easier for the judges to read, understand. The other thing is to find someone to proofread your entries before you submit them. A few spelling mistakes don't cause too many problems, but when there are a lot, it's another thing that causes some problems for the judges as they read. As Val said though, the most important thing is to keep writing - but if you can find some help to hone your skills, then that would help you to get your message across without any distractions. With love, Deb (Challenge Coordinator)