The Official Writing Challenge
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06/06/05
Nice story. The beginning was a bit confusing - first, Mary is hanging up the phone, then she's fixing her hair and makeup (in a bathroom, maybe?) and then she's at Jason's locker. We need some sort of explanation of time passing or that she's gone from home to school.
I wish we had endings like that in real life!
06/06/05
Good job! A touching story.
06/06/05
Yes! That's one less number on Satan's tally board :)
Good dialogue. Very readable. Mom gave up a little too easily even if the girl was just about to graduate. Because the girl was obviously Catholic I can foresee several conflicts should you extend this story into a novel. Would this have worked if she was just a girl who didn't attend church at all?
06/08/05
I have some misgivings in the story line, the structure is Okay, and I appreciate the theme.
06/09/05
You touched on a sensitive topic for many Christians in a creative way. It would be good to expand on it, and explore the dynamics between the characters.
I like how you show that Jason, as a Born-Again-Christian, is different.
06/09/05
The Dialog and character development was well done. I agree that mom needs a little work but the two main characters are well thought out and believable. I enjoyed the premise of the story. Having a prom on Easter Sunday? not sure that I can buy that one. Well done!
06/10/05
Not being American I find it really hard to connect with this story. However the characters are believable and I think that you handle the protestant/catholic issue well by telling us that Mary's confirmation was also a holy experience.
06/10/05
A powerful ending! It evoked a sweet feeling in me. I believe this story will draw the lost to the Savior.
06/10/05
I don't see this as necessarily questioning Catholicism... instead, it questions the girl's specific faith. Could be any kid raised in any church who hadn't developed a personal relationship with Christ. Nice story development, great characters. I give it 2 thumbs up. :-)
06/10/05
I'd have gone to the prom with someone else AND to Jason's church and skipped mass myself! But seriously, I like the way you showed the importance of our faith affecting our whole life. I found the story just a little confusing (could be just me being unfamiliar with the whole American school environment ... make-up, proms etc) ... had no idea she was a school student because the make up and curls threw me, then pictured her as a school girl, then her having her own car threw me again. But again, that could just be cultural. I think you've done a good job - well done.
06/10/05
Well written to hold one's interest. I agree with Darlene, Prom on Easter is strange. Prehaps that was added to tie the challenge topic of Easter to the story. I liked the fact that seeing Jason filled with the Spirit made her hunger for that intimate relationship that is available to all who call Him Lord. Sometimes years past when we go from being nominal Christians to Spirit-Filled Christians. What she saw in him she knew she hungered for. May we live and worship in such a way as to cause others to hunger for a closeness with God.
06/11/05
Nice interacation between the characters and a very happy ending! I didn't get the impression the prom was on Easter Sunday, but on the Saturday evening before. Maybe I interpretted it wrong. A few areas were a bit unclear only because of the transition from one setting to another, but all in all, a sweet, enjoyable piece. :)