The Official Writing Challenge
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It's difficult to critique a foreign language; (*.*)however, a comment might be encouraging to the writer who went to alot of trouble to define something unique. Very Creative!
An interesting story. I did find it quite hard to follow though. Just a suggestion - Would it be possible to write the spoken words in this dialect, then use everyday English for the narrative?
I agree with Christine Dunn's assessment. The essence of the story idea was very interesting. It was worth working through the dialect to read. I could just see that lazy Jody perk up when romance entered the picture.