The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 1725 times
Member Comments
Love it love it love it. Alan Jackson would too. Puppy number 2.
Excellent job with the language, the atmosphere, the action - and I LOVE the title. This is right on for the genre.
An adventure for teens to love ... and adults. This was great! The jargon, the descriptions ... it has it all! Loved the line about the never ending insect-kamikaze mission! Wonderful job. Hey, you're a puppy this week!
This is gonna place. It has too. Cuz I said! And I should know! I'm a teen! Seriously, you held my intrest the whole way through. Excellent characterization and dialouge. What a wonderful job!
This one is great! I love the tone you used...
Nice description of the pesky fly and introduction of the cap in the opening. The cap is carried throughout, but doesn't pick up the significance it could. It's your symbol you keep going back to and is tied to Lindsay, but it doesn't save her in the end. Can you see re-writing this putting the cap into that kind of role? I think it could improve the story.
Sentence structure on "The thought of lounging in an inner tube..." can be improved by replacing first comma with 'and' and eliminating the second comma entirely. The clause is the
heavenly part of the sentence and not the inner tube. It could tie it together better.
"I want to see" could be removed entirely. It isn't needed and contradicts the audio.
Having suggested all of that, you hit the nail on the head with this story for this genre. Good action and motion, enough information without too much, quick pace and dramatic buildup.
I could picture the whole thing: it was like "Jaws" with an alligator! I liked the details you used: "Nickelback", "I-285", etc. You did a good job at painting a teen care-free ("Life is Good"), friends matter most, kind of picture. Also, great job with your transition from the convertible to Melody shrieking at the cold river water. Great job with making the boys macho, and I loved melody's indecision about the twins. Also, I liked the suspense. It was truly a Teen Adventure! Thank you.
Neat story that teens would love (I think.) Nice writing.
All the little details make this a great story...the "Life is Good" cap, for instance. It's fast-paced and realistic. You are a skilled writer.
This is great. My parents live on the lake where there are frequent alligagor sightings. We ski there and do the same "Watch Out!" trick to my sister all the time. This was so believable and real. It's perfect for a teen. It has suspense, fun, everything. Iloved you're subject matter, also. It was new and fresh. Great!
Lots of suspense and realistic teen dialog and action.

Bit of a fizzle toward the end, perhaps? With more words, perhaps you can do more with the suspense and resolution.

Teens, both guys and gals, will really like this one.
An exciting teen adventure with wonderful descriptions--sure to please!
Great story for teens with its suspense, hint of romance, summer fun, teasing back and forth, etc.! I really enjoyed reading it, and I'm waaaaaaaaaaaay beyond my teen years! Nice job! :)
Sounds like a bunch of teens. Good job.
Okay, I definitely love this! You outdid yourself, Cat. I love the characters, you captured true teen spirit here. I could easily see this happening-your descriptions put me right there in the middle of everything. Awesome writing!
This will be a big hit with the teens! SO much detail and suspense packed into a few words! Love it!
Really enjoyed this very believable romp with these teens. It was fun being along on their adventure. Great job of writing and bringing key elements of suspense, anticipation, description all into play.
I don't know how to add to all the comments above. This is extremely good. I loved the realistic dialogue, all the wonderful details that set the "feel", and the suspense had me glued to the story to the very end. Wonderful writing. Great job!
I too don't know what to add but I enjoyed it a lot. The title, references, dialogue, it was a joy!
Woo-hoo! Didn't I tell ya?! Congratulations!!
WooT! ***Congrats!***
Soooooo good!! I loved it! You dialog (and language!) was excellent, you really put us there with the kids. (Are you SURE you're not a teen?!?) *grin* CONGRATS!
Congrats on your win. Well deserved. I like this piece a bunch. I could see the scene and the kids very clearly.
CONGRATULATIONS on your well-deserved 2nd place in Advanced and on your EC!!!! :) Whoopeeeeeeeee!!!!
Very well written. Congrats on your 2nd place.