The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 1060 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Good, imaginative story telling. I couldn't tell what was going to happen from the beginning. You need to check your spelling though.
08/24/06
What I liked - good descriptions - good action.
What I might change - I couldn't at first tell the setting and wondered about it, a few comma needs here and there and when the boy said "gross" I was thinking that it seemed out of place with the setting that I thought was Bible times unless I was wrong??
Overall- well written.
08/25/06
Before everyone gets carried away - the word gross is found in the Bible as early as Isa. 60.2 - although I am not commenting on the article, just pointing out that the word is ancient in meaning (meaning gloom or nasty), brought into slang usage in the 1300s. However it is used as an adjective in both the old and new testaments.
08/28/06
I love it--a POV that no one else even came close to. Your little boys sounded and acted exactly like little boys have for centuries. Food for thought here--how many witnessed that day and had no idea what they were seeing?
08/28/06
This is one of favorites this week. A unique perspective from two boys wittnessing something that touched them deeply and I am sure changed their lives along the way. The cross still changes lives today. Creative and wonderfully written.
You may be in the advanced group, but this is definitely Masters' quality writing! I love the way you use dialogue & move the plot right along...Excellent job as always.
08/28/06
Just a bit of a slow start, but otherwise, this is a dynamite story, new with fresh perspective. I like this very much.
08/28/06
Great story! I agree it was a bit of a slow start -- but once you got started, it captured me. Unique point of view. Timeline was a bit off -- unless it took the boys hours to retrieve the ball. Other than that, it was very well done! :)
08/29/06
VERY unique perspective, and wonderfully told! Your dialogue is extremely well-done, and the story flows very nicely. I really enjoyed this!
08/29/06
Several goofs and typos, but aside from that the story is very creative. Thanks for sharing.
08/29/06
A very nice intro paragraph, then the story slows a bit before it picks up again. A very unique and creative perspective. Great job!
06/26/08
When Levy's mother comes home and tells what happened at the courts... chapter two?
Loved this sentence:

“ Look even the sky seems undecided.”

Very interesting and unique POV.
I enjoyed reading this. Well done.
Dub, I love speculative writing about historical events as it gives new dimensions into what others might be thinking at the time. Great job involving the reader as the story unfolded and I could sense the potential for a sequel. Loren