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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Personal Peace (06/01/06)
Left, right, left, right...right...

The thumb of death flicked back and forth declaring who was live and who was to die. Esther swallowed as she held little brother’s hand tightly as the line slowly progressed forward. She was at peace with YHWH with whatever happened. She knew that He would not forget his people. G-tt always provided for the chosen ones.

They almost passed for part of the Aryan race, (blonde hair and blue eyes) except for Johan’s, supposedly very Jewish nose got them caught at the last checkpoints leading to the docks in Demark. They had almost been safe. Now, Esther and her fourteen year old brother were trapped, sent to an almost certain death in the vice like grip of the Nazis.

Left, left, right...a hesitation then another right…

The line continued to move forward in its funeral dirge pace. Esther closed her eyes and sent up a frantic prayer, still trusting, still believing that G-tt would send someone to rescue them. They were closer to the front. She could see the divisions of the two lines clearly now. One went to work and the others to the showers.

Adonia, are you here today? She prayed, squeezing Johan’s hand. He looked up at her, suddenly looking much younger than his fourteen years. Save my brother...let the family name live through him.

Left, right, right, right, left...

Then it was their turn. Johan stepped forward first, trying to look older and Esther bit her lip as she watched him try to appear older. The thumb flicked right and he went into the line that was for work. He was safe...YHWH had given her a sign. She smiled faintly as her blue eyes met the Nazi officers. He nodded as his thumb flipped to the side; her fate was decided.
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This article has been read 1231 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Carla Feagans
06/10/06
A gripping glimpse into a terrifying world. We can only imagine. Well done.
Amy Michelle Wiley 
06/13/06
I liked how you did God's names the Jewish way (though you put vowels in Adonai and missspelled it ;-) ). Good, thought-provoking entry.
Jen Davis
06/14/06
You told the story well. Not only is it difficult to imagine such a horrific time in history, it is also difficult to read about. There is some repetition of words, but there is some very good writing here. Keep writing.
Sharlyn Guthrie
06/14/06
I like your presentation and you made your points well. I would like to see this expanded...more information, especially at the beginning of the story. It certainly left a lump in my throat. Good job.
Jan Ackerson
06/14/06
I like the way you ended this--letting the reader fill in the blanks. I think this bears expanding; perhaps appealing more to our senses so that we feel more of that "you are there" feeling. As written, we are more observers of the action. A very good treatment of the topic--personal peace in the midst of unspeakable horror. Good job.
Anita Neuman
06/14/06
This is a great take on the topic. There are a couple of missing words - try reading your entry aloud before you submit. The "left, right..." lines were a great addition!
Dr. Sharon Schuetz
06/14/06
Good job. I liked the way you ended it, leaving it up to decided what happens.
Shari Armstrong 
06/14/06
Wow -well done, tight, building tension. I like the attention to the detail about the vowels being missing.
Julie Michaelson
06/15/06
My heart is still pounding,
and the unpleasant tastes of
fear and anger linger in my
mouth! Both my parents were
Jewish, though all of their
family came from Lithuania
in the early 1900's. I remember, all too well, the
stories I heard, as a young
child. It has been over 40
years, and I still dream of
them, sometimes. The fear is
there - and it never goes away - it never goes away.
God Bless.