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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: PLEAD (11/30/23)
I had so many complaints about my hair being too thick. My father said my hair looked like a mop, and my mother said,
"You got to that hair of yours cut. It's driving me crazy! So my mother made me get my hair cut short so that a bit of the hair went over the ears. I had those haircuts until I was sixteen. I was teased at school from a few of the the students whom I went to school with. I hated those cuts. I wanted it styled like a lot of the girls who I went to school with. Somebody said that I looked like a little boy.
My mother complained a lot about the condition of my room, and my brother's room. We had to make sure everything was kept in place or she would go and on about the mess for almost an hour.

There were many times when I complained to my parents about being bullied at school. Attending classes with those awful kids made me so depressed that I came home crying on the school bus. After about 10 times of my complaints, my father said,
"I am sick of it!"

When I was in grade 10, I had low self-esteem because I was being bossed around by other students. One girl tried to use me by asking me for some money. Her name was Lisa. During Home economics class she bossed around to do dishes. A few times I told her that she was not the teacher, and she said

"I don't care. Just do as you are told!"
I hated her, even I shouldn't because I was a Christian. I liked the subjects I took at school, but I did not like physical science. In that class I was bullied a lot, and the teacher did not do anything. Back then I had to leave the room. When I was in math class, I left the room early because I was depressed from attending classes with those bullies. I felt retarded and rejected.

A neighbor who I had been friends with for 14 years had complained about my speech impediment because I stuttered and cluttered words a lot. When I think of what to say before say it, it was difficult for me to speak clearly. It could have been due from the difficult my mother had with me. I was born breech in a military hospital.

In April of 1995, I had speech therapy, and I had to read a page from a book, on a piece of paper. I have been seeing her for 8 weeks. She helped me not clutter words when I talk, and now I can take my time when I say something. I cluttered or stuttered when I got excited. My parents complained when I grew up with them. I wondered why they did not take me to see a therapist. My said that she has, but I can't remember that. I was only 3 or 4 years old at that time.

One thing that we can't complain about is what God gives when we ask of things from him. He can guide us in the direction that he wants use to do. Many people complain to God why there is war, death or sickness. We may not have answers, but God does.
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This article has been read 263 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Marlene MCPherson
12/07/23
this story sounds real, sorry to hear but maybe your parents were not aware of your situation and so their help was limited.
Philippa Geaney
12/09/23
There is great story material within your article.
And real action, which is what readers enjoy.
I didn't quite get the emphasis on 'plead' which may lower your rating.
I see that you appealed to your mother which is spot on, but the plea theme, to me (as a reader) is overshadowed by the action of complaint.
Or is it?
You may not agree- nor the judges.
Debatable.
Few typos. I do that, but we have to reread the finished article with fresh eyes.
Keep writing.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
12/14/23
You have a great baseline here. So many people can relate to feeling this way. One thing you might want to do is tighten things up. For example if I were editing, I might take this paragraph and do something like this:
In tenth grade, my self-esteem plummeted from girls tormenting me. Lisa used me for money, and in classes, she bossed me around. I tried to stand up for my self and said, "You're not the teacher!"
She rolled her eyes, made a fist, and hissed, "Jerk! Do it or else."
Take note how there are less words, the number ten is written out (experts agree write numbers to ten out, some say to a hundred), I put some body language in and used "salsa" verbs to show rather than tell, and tried to make dialog more authentic.

You have some great messages here. Bullying is something kids today can relate to too. You've a great foundation. I'd challenge you to read and comment on as many entries as possible. When I first started at FW, reading and giving critiques really helped me grow as a writer. I like your conflict. It's relatable and the ending is a powerful message.