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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: PUNCH (08/27/20)
In the last 3 weeks things have took a turn for the worse for me such as a car accident. I also had ride in a ambulance to the hospital. The police I was impaired, but i wasn't. I had to take breathalizer test. As it turned out, it was at zero. That was a good thing right there. It was the worst night of my life when I spent 4 hours in a hospital.

I was in deep shock. I thought is God mad at me or is he punishing me. I really thought that my husband would be mad at me for totaling the car. As I came home by cab about 2 in the morning, he was happy that I was not killed. He was worried about me not coming home.

Oh boy! I had to tell my insurance company as to what happened the night before. Oh, boy! That the first major accident that I had in my life. I was given a traffic ticket by the police. Oh, no! A court date this coming November. I just hope that God would help me, and not punish me or allow the judge to punish me.

I can't bear this stress. I just that I can get through this. It is like a punch in the face!
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This article has been read 356 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Corinne Smelker 
09/03/20
I am so sorry you have experienced this. God is NOT punishing you. Remember, the devil is the father of lies and wants to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10), but all good things come from our heavenly Father (James 1:17).

Not sure whether English is your first language, if not, well done on writing. If it is, I have some recommendations if you are interested.
Barbara Culler 
09/04/20
How awful for you! I would love to know more details. Where were you when the accident happened? What did happen? Why alone in the hospital? Why take a cab home? Why did you have to go to court? Details would greatly enhance your story, I'm sorry you are hurting so much.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
09/06/20
This is an awesome foundation. You have the beginnings of a story that can really make a difference. You have some clichés, which can work at times, but sometimes putting things in your own words might be even more powerful. I imagine that the MC might open her eyes every morning, disoriented just for a second until reality hits. I might consider something like this: My eyes open, and just for a second, things seem normal. But then the hits start. Fast and Hard. Accident. Cops. Breathalyzer. Jail. Taxi. Dad.
I know my suggestion breaks a lot of rules, but it would be a great way to start the story and pull the reader in. Sometimes, if done right, breaking the rules can really work. Then you could add to each one word and explain how the accident happened. Make the reader feel what it feels like to be arrested.
You do an awesome job of writing on topic and creating conflict. Since you have words left, I'd try to resolve more of the conflicts. Make sure you show your message clearly--that horrible things happen, but even though we worry we might deserve it or God is punishing us, the MC realizes with God's help she can survive even these horrible few weeks. You definitely have glimpses of the message. This has lots of potential and I'm so excited to see what you do next. I know it can be hard sometimes to take constructive criticism, but people leave those thoughts because a piece is worthy of their time and energy. Yours definitely is worth it. If you keep at it, I see wonderful things in store for you.