That Word - Parent | Previous Challenge Entry

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TITLE: That Word - Parent | Previous Challenge Entry
By fed up
11/19/06
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That Word - Parent

Parent. I am a parent. That word - parent. It sounds so old. My own parents look ancient. I am only seventeen. How can I be a parent? Oh, yes. Sin entered my life and I felt like an adult. Yet, I wasn’t. Now I am a parent.

He is so tiny. Tiny and helpless. How can I be a parent! I feel helpless. What was I thinking? No, what were we thinking? We love each other. How could we not respect one another? I love him. He loves me. Will he love his son?

My parents. The sadness in their eyes when we told them we had sinned against God and all they had taught me. They aged in front of my eyes that day. I felt so sick. Was it morning sickness or shame? I still don’t know. Will I ever figure it out? Will I ever be acceptable in God’s sight again?

Forgiveness. How could they forgive me? They trusted me and we had lied. We made them look like failures. I wanted to die more than I wanted to live. The burning shame of needing to confess our sin! Why, oh why, had I dropped my shield of faith for one of Satan’s flaming missiles, the feeling of lust?

His face is so sweet. He feels so light and warm in my arms. Did my parents love me immediately? Will my parents ever love me again as they once did? He’s only hours old, yet already my love for him is such that I would die to protect him. Is this how my mother felt about me when she first held me?

Mom’s eyes are brimming with tears. Is she happy? Sad? Reminiscing? Dad looks strange. Like something is caught in his throat. Do I see tears of sadness, grief, joy, relief swallow from months of uncertainty? Is that what Jesus felt for us when lay down his life on Calvary for sinners like me?

Past the tear brimmed eyes I see something else. Could it be? Something I have not seen for weeks and weeks. The look of pride that I thought was lost forever is back as they look first at my son, then at me, and smile. Was this grace?

"My, son." I choked out a whisper. "The LORD has blessed you. He gave you wise grand parents. One day, with God’s help, you will also have a wise mother."

The End

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