The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
01/26/18
I really enjoyed the cadence and messages in this poem.
I did feel there was a bit of a disconnect between the comparisons of the stress of objects and the stress of people. In the stress of objects there was a message that experiencing stress can actually make you stronger, but when you switched back to the idea of people experiencing stress, the focus was on making the stress go away rather than experiencing and pushing through it.
01/26/18
I really enjoyed the cadence and messages in this poem.
I did feel there was a bit of a disconnect between the comparisons of the stress of objects and the stress of people. In the stress of objects there was a message that experiencing stress can actually make you stronger, but when you switched back to the idea of people experiencing stress, the focus was on making the stress go away rather than experiencing and pushing through it.
This flows nicely and is spot on topic in a couple of ways. The main thing I would suggest would be to stay consistent with your POV. Sometimes you us the first person plural, others third singular. Maybe making it all from first person singular would pack more of a punch because you'd be sharing right from the MC's heart. You make some great points in this lovely poem and I look forward to reading more of your work.
01/28/18
I enjoyed your take on the topic. Thank you.
Blessings~