The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
11/13/16
You captured the perfect balance of hope & excitement with the undercurrent of disdain & shame buried in the reality of the MC's home life. It moved me. I may be wrong but I think you went from past tense to present somewhere in the middle. I think telling the story in the present (using is instead of was, etc) from start to finish would make for a cleaner flow. Keep writing...I want to read more.
11/14/16
I could feel your pain and disappointment throughout the story. Very well depicted. As mentioned, watch tenses and keep writing.
11/15/16
You brought the MC's emotions to life quite well. I'm excited to see you grow as a writer. Keep going:)
11/16/16
Hi,
Just wanted to write and let you know how much I enjoyed your piece.

I could empathise with your sense of embarrassment at your father's insensitivity.

Thank you for sharing your experience.

11/17/16
Congratulations! Well done.
11/17/16
Congratulations, Pamela, on winning 1st place in the Intermediate category and moving up to the Advanced category.

I could feel the pain and humiliation of the MC. Well done!
12/12/16
Congratulations on your level win but I have to admit-I was hoping for a happy ending.
12/12/16
hahaha!
Me too Bea, this is non-fiction and I would have loved if it had ended differently.