The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
You have a lot of interesting information here, but it doesn't flow very well. My brain had to keep switching gears to keep up with all the different points.
I like the Biblical references, but maybe you could have worked them all together to show how being sneaky doesn't line up with God's will. Also, I would omit the first two paragraphs and the second last one for the sake of coherency.
You captured my attention with "A kadaicha man..." Sure would like to know more about that 'fella. I think an interesting story could be built about him, either fiction or fact. If I ever make it to Australia,I'm keeping my eye on the bushes just in case he might be hiding behind one.
You made some good observations, but you just needed to work on your transitions.
I enjoyed this so much!