Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: CALL (01/14/16)
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TITLE: Before It's Too Late | Previous Challenge Entry
By Ashley Rowland
01/21/16 -
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“Loren.”
“Yes, dear.” He shifted hunched shoulders to allow a look around.
“You ready?”
“Helena, you look lovely.” Loren walked toward her sitting on the bed and kissed her cheek.
Helena’s cheeks reddened. “You old coot. Still the charmer I met sixty years ago.”
“You bring it out in me.”
“Oh, you." Wrinkles deepened around her eyes. "It’s time.”
Loren took the worn, cracked Bible from Helena and shuffled to the door. He patted his breast pocket and then his pants pockets with his free hand. Where were his keys? Church. He was going to be late for church.
A snub-nosed pug yipped across the street as Loren ambled down the sidewalk. Crickets sang. The sweet smell of gardenias drifted on the gentle breeze. Sweet Helena.
"It's time."
A crosswalk blocked his path. That crosswalk shouldn’t be there. He ambled over the white lines. Who put that there?
A horn blared. Lights glared. Raising a hand to shield his eyes, he stumbled to the other side of the street.
Huddled on a bench, he clutched his Bible to his chest. What was that sound?
“Dad. I was so worried. How’d you get out?”
Loren looked up. That voice. It called to him through the fog.
“Helena, I knew you’d come.”
“Come on, Dad. Let’s get you home. It’s late.”
He allowed Helena to help him to his feet and into the nearby Sentra. “Church. I’ve got to get to church.”
“No, Dad. It’s late. We have to go home.”
Chest heaving, he looked out of the passenger window. “No, no, no. You were right.” Spotted hands fumbled with the Bible. “I want it, too. What you have. Before it’s too late.”
“You don’t need a church, Dad. Mom tried to tell you, to show you, for years - you need Jesus. Surrender to him. And leave the rest to him.”
Tears seeped down Loren’s cheeks. He let out “Jesus…Lord” as if he had been holding his breath and could finally let go. A sense of lightness flooded him. He looked around with clear eyes and smiled. “Thank you, Lori.”
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Anyway, I really enjoyed this story. Very well done.
God bless~
So glad to see this here!
God Bless~
You have such a gift of storytelling. You told me you were working on your showing and not telling in the story, and it's starting to pay off. This is also one of my biggest struggles as a writer.
Can't wait to read more!