Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Singing (10/31/05)
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TITLE: Forever Changed | Previous Challenge Entry
By Karen McCoy
11/05/05 -
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I grabbed Lana’s shoes and forced them on her feet.
“Mama?” Lana asked.
“What,” I responded, frustrated with needless questions.
“Can we get ice cream today?”
“You know what? I’m a busy person. I have to work so we can get ice cream. It’s not like daddy pitches in.”
A twinge of guilt rushed over me. I had promised myself I wouldn’t talk bad about Walker to Lana. It had been three months since our divorce and being reminded of him shot resentment right through me. He had suddenly become “religious” and had talked me into letting Lana go to church.
“She’s four. She’s never going to get anything out of it,” I had sarcastically remarked.
“Mama,” Lana interrupted my thoughts.
“What now,” I answered.
“Wrong feet,” she stated.
I quickly fixed her shoes and out the door we went.
“Jesus loves me, this I know…” Lana sang in the car.
I didn’t want her to know, but it went all through me. I was relieved when we arrived at the daycare.
I took Lana’s hand and led her into the classroom. I leaned down, kissed her head and shoved her packback into her cubby. I looked at my watch. Late again.
I arrived at work not knowing that very soon, my life would be forever changed.
“Melanie,” Abby said, later that afternoon. “There’s an officer here to see you.”
I can’t believe this, I thought. What is Walker up to now?
“Send him in,” I answered.
I was engrossed in my work when the officer walked in. I looked up, noticeably upset that my day had been interrupted.
“What is Walker asking for now? I told him to come get his junk.”
“Ma’am,” the officer began. “I’m afraid I have some very bad news. Please come with me.”
“I’m not going anywhere. What’s this about?” I almost yelled.
“There’s been an accident at your child’s daycare. Please come with me.”
“An accident? Is Lana okay?” I panicked.
“Please, I need you to come with me,” he said.
I don’t remember much after that. I was in a deep fog, barely able to breathe. My sweet Lana was gone. Gone forever. The officer said she had been playing when her ball rolled out into the road. The driver hadn’t seen her. I insisted we drive by the daycare. A ball laid by the unfinished fence.
My life was in total darkness after Lana’s funeral. People came and went, trying to comfort me, but their visits were in vain. Nothing would bring Lana back. Guilt washed over me as I dwelt on how I had talked to her the last morning of her short life. Something I could never change.
I made myself return to work, thinking I could keep my mind busy. Co-workers tried to convince me to go home, but there was nothing to go home to.
“Melanie,” Abby approached me a few weeks later. “Would you go to church with me this Sunday?”
I couldn’t believe it. Is that what she thought I needed? Religion? And to top it off, she went to the same church as Walker. There was no way I was going.
“Thanks, but no thanks,” I said, returning to my paperwork.
“I understand,” she said. “Just promise you’ll call if you change your mind.”
I won’t, I thought.
Sunday morning brought light streaming through the windows. I poured a cup of coffee and turned on the television.
Preaching. I continued my search hoping to find something that would mesmerize me.
“Jesus loves me, this I know…”
Children singing.
“For the Bible, tells me so…”
My fingers froze on the remote.
“Oh, my sweet Lana!” I bellowed. “I’m so sorry!”
I tried to gain composure as I picked up the phone. Abby said she would pick me up in one hour. I didn’t know that very soon, my life would once again be forever changed.
I accepted Jesus Christ as my savior that day. I realized I needed Him more than I needed my next breath. My heart still aches everyday for my little girl. I don’t get through one moment of the day without missing her. But someday, some sweet day, I will see her again. I will hug her and tell her how very much I love her. And that I love Jesus now too.
Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so…
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