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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Telephone (07/17/08)
Aimlessly wandering in my loneliness, I stooped to pick up the can lying in the sun baked yellow grasses on a hot July afternoon. A string was attached to the end and extended heavenward until the rapidly gathering, dark clouds swallowed the end of it.

I place the can to my ear. I heard the far-off, faint, echoing thunder. Thunder whose reverberations seemed to resonate and imitate the rhythms in my soul. Longings, rumblings, deep stirrings awakened.

Birds in small flocks of fours and fives darted for safety in nearby thickets, but something in me waited. I faced the steadily growing breezes until I could sense their origin. “Hello?” I hesitantly inquired into the can.

I stared upward to see many shades of gray in the roiling clouds, but I imagined the brilliance and brightness on their topsides. I somehow felt I knew who was on the other end of the string as much as I also knew I dare not see His face.

Low thunder lingered like the roll of a percussionist on tympani, punctuated by violent accents that shook my souls foundation. Icy cold streaks of rain landed in the dusty soil around me with a thud. Heavy drops bounced off my forehead while smaller droplets tickled my bearded chin.

I placed the can to my heart. The thunder voice inside was meant more to be felt than heard. Something sprang alive in me, alert to a voice of invitation. “May I have this dance?”

Such an unexpected offer to be close together during a time of violence and shaking seemed strange but welcoming and appealing. Raising the can again to my mouth, I whispered my response to this initiated love, “Yes…yes you may.”

I dropped the can onto blades of grass yearning for the long awaited rain. The string was mysteriously replaced by an ascending rainbow. I twirled with outstretched arms clasping an unseen, but known, dance partner.
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Fiona Dorothy Stevenson
07/25/08
Imaginative, well expressed except that para.5: 'cold streaks of rain landed' etc and the last para: 'yearning for long awaited rain' seem a little our of sequence. Perhaps grateful would be more appropriate than yearning? God bless you.
Patty Wysong
07/27/08
I really liked this. The imagery was strong throughout. I especially liked this line: 'Low thunder lingered like the roll of a percussionist on tympani...'
Debra Martinez
07/28/08
I ADORED this piece and found it hard to note the several things needing correction. Watch all tenses for agreement, and always use your apostrophes and hyphens when they are needed. They distract us grammar nerds terribly. Keep up the good work!