The Official Writing Challenge
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Great detail and description of all that was going on in the MC's head. Good job of illustrating the proverb.I wish you'd filled us in on what the "surprise" was - but I suppose I can guess. ;) Keep writing.
Good writing, and it was good to see someone make the right choice with their life.
This story has a lot of information in it but is well written. As a writing exercise, slow down and take a day in this MC's life to go into much more detail--perhaps the day she decides to get rid of Stan. That way you can write in the five senses she experiences as she does so.
Hmmmm, I wonder if that surprise had something to do with a sparkly ring, perhaps? lol! I liked this bit, I wish I'd gotten more into her head though, to see where she was when she struggled with the two choices and how she would stand up to Stan and tell him that she couldn't do this anymore and then her talking to Barry. This is very good. ^_^