The Official Writing Challenge
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09/15/06
Whoa! I'll admit I was drawn in by the word "Chocolate" in the title. This was well-written and moves the reader along nicely and that was quite the twist at the end. A bit too disturbing for me, but well-written just the same.
09/16/06
Yep, the word "Chocolate" drew my attention as well. But intead of getting the sweet romanitc comedy i somehow expected, I got a very deep, very real, well-written story. I think your details were great. Awesome job!
09/16/06
Disturbing? Yes - but also extremely well crafted! Your description is very vivid - I really felt like I was there. And, of course, I loved the end! Wonderful job!
09/17/06
This piece would be excellent as an example of the use of foreshadowing--I got shivers from the very first line.
09/18/06
I have to agree, the word, "chocolate" caught my attention also. And now that I gave it a second a second read over, I have to say that the description of Sam is what gave me the most chills. Keep up this type of writing, you will be moving up soon.

Keep on writing.
09/19/06
This is a strong piece of writing with some great phrases like: ‘Sam scraped over her instincts like a blunt nail.’ Just a few comments that might help you improve your craft and make this good writing better.

Watch out for repetition of the same word in a sentence ie ‘revealing slightly crooked front teeth; she nodded slightly.’

Watch change of point of view in second paragraph.

You don’t need to repeat he said again in ‘“My name’s Sam”, he said,’ as we know he is speaking

In ‘“Excuse me Sam,” she said’ you don’t need the ‘she said’ as it is attached to an action tag so that we already know who is speaking.

Aroma’s don’t need the apostrophe.

I know this may seem picky but they are the things that need to be checked before submitting work and, like I said, making good writing even better. Yeggy.
You had me from the word "chocolate."
I liked this mini-thriller!
09/20/06
Your title drew me in. You are a gifted writer. Kept my attention all the way through. Blessings.
09/21/06
I hated this piece. Absolutely extremely strongly hated it. Don't be offended though. That's a compliment on your writing. I was right there with Melissa and fear gripped me well and truly.

I read it one afternoon just before leaving for several hours of meetings. Do you know what played over in my mind ALL afternoon? Yep ... it's totally your fault. If you'd written this badly, I'd have not had a problem.

Thank goodness for the happy ending, and sparing us too many details.

And praise God for the hope of heaven.

Feel good ... my strong reaction is a reflection on your writing ability. You're doing well, Alex. But please, couldn't we have a light-hearted comedy or something next time?!
09/21/06
Way to go Alexandra. Excellent stuff here. THIRD PLACE!!! God bless.
Very well done. Surprise ending. I was right there with her the whole time. I smelt his whiskey tainted breath, and heard her silent scream.

Congratulations on your placement.