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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: FRESH START (01/05/17)
“It’s time for me to hit the reset button.” Channey Montgomery was disgusted as she looked at the cracking paint in her cramped living space. She wouldn’t be sorry to leave this dump. Her landlady had a nephew who wanted to use the place, creating a perfect opportunity for Channey to make a clean break from the subleased apartment. It was a good thing, because she didn’t have enough cash to pay next month’s rent anyways. As it was, she already knew several people that had been forced into homelessness and were out begging in the streets of New York City because their dream had gone bust, just like hers had.

A year ago, she had moved here in search of fame and fortune like so many others. This ought to have been the best year of her life, but as the reel of memories played in her mind, she admitted that her experiences fell short of her original great expectations. Everyone in her home town had been so excited for her. The hype, the glamour, the city lights and the new adventures were supposed to have been the start of something big for her. Channey had spent every hour and dollar trying to get that one spectacular connection which would launch her acting career into stardom, but as time went on she realized that she had one flaw in the eyes of her interviewers – namely, her religion. She had promised her mom when she left the house fresh out of college that she would not forsake Sunday church services, no matter the cost. Maybe it was her bad luck, or possibly something more divine in nature, but almost every call-back for a theatrical gig had been for a Sunday performance. Her agent kept getting more and more irritated, and finally dropped her because she chose to be so “hard-headed” and “closed-minded.” Only her stereotypical position as waitress at the local café had kept a roof over her head and cans of soup in her pantry.

“Ok, Lord,” Channey gave up with a sigh. “I get it. You’re telling me that it’s time to move on. I have two paychecks to my name. Where to now?” A long ago mental snapshot from a vacation she had once taken leapt into her mind. Green rolling hills with a perimeter of white picket fences were set in the forefront of a lush vista punctuated by red horse barns in the distance. If she remembered correctly, she had seen the place while driving through Citrus County, Florida, with a friend. Jumping on the internet, Channey held her breath at her own audacity. She almost felt guilty imagining such a lovely setting for her new adventure. To her unending surprise, the Southern Way Ranch and Stables had a job opening for a hostess to assist with guest relations during their Monday through Saturday hours of operation.

Making a determination not to send a traditional resume through the mail only to wait for a response, Channey decided to boldly present herself in person. She finished packing her suitcase, settled the paperwork with her landlady and walked to the subway, using her city Metro card for the last time. Arriving at the airport during the morning rush, she was still able to secure a seat for herself on the next flight to Gainesville Regional Airport. The next three hours would be spent trying to convince her mom that Channey knew what she was doing and that everything would work out just fine. She couldn’t explain it, but she just knew that she was doing the right thing, and she had a certainty that her future would begin in Citrus County, Florida.

As soon as the wheels of the flight touched down in Gainesville, Channey felt a burgeoning excitement and anticipation overwhelm her. After signing a rental agreement for a small, red compact car, she began the drive to Southern Way Ranch and Stables. The long-forgotten sensation of sunshine on her face and wind in her hair gave rise to a feeling of freedom and happiness. She turned to the first Christian radio station that she could find and praised God that His mercies are new every day. As her tires crunched gravel up the curved driveway to the sprawling southern porch, Channey turned her attention to an attractive man walking up to the car. Leaning over the window and tilting his Stetson, he gave her a dazzling smile. “How may I help you, ma’am?”

Fiction
*Author’s paraphrased use of Lamentations 3:23 KJV
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This article has been read 623 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Trudy Newell
01/13/17
I liked this! You did a good job. Again, and I'm preaching to myself, you need more 'show' and less 'tell' - hard to do - especially in 750 words!

Keep writing. God bless - Trudy
C D Swanson 
01/14/17
Well done, rally enjoyed this.

God Bless~
Larry Whittington
01/19/17
This is a well written first chapter to a short story. Do you have the rest of it your mind yet?

If you do, you could add more description to where you lived showing why it was undesirable. You could also add more color to your cafe job that you seemed to enjoy.

Nice writing.
Bonnie Bowden 
01/19/17
Congratulations, Charity, on placing 1st place in the Beginners category. I enjoyed the MC and the story very much.

I only have a couple of suggestions:

1. No comma is needed between good thing and because she ...

2. I think you thought you were showing when you were really telling. Look for was and were verbs in your writing. Examples: was disgusted and was irritated.

What does
'was disgusted" look like? Chaney wiped another flake of paint from her coffee table. Her landlord, Mr. Samson, probably didn't even know what a paintbrush was.
(I understand that this is not the best example, but I hope it helps you see the difference between showing and telling).

I hope you will keep writing; I see so much potential.
Trudy Newell
01/21/17
Congratulations Charity!

Welcome to Intermediate - good job! Trudy
Sherry Brock
01/21/17
Congratulations! I enjoyed your story & it was spot on this weeks topic. Othets have given you some great critique suggestions, so I'll just say- Listen to them and keep writing.