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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: HEALTH (10/13/16)
Silently it creeps
Within the deep
Shadows of despair
Reeking in the air

Begins to grow
To only show
It's ugly head coming out
Giving the immune system a shout

I'm here to destroy health
Remove the body from it's wealth
Bringing decay
Come what may

Painting a canvas of gloom
Leaving room for only doom
Fear takes center stage
That traps the mind in it's cage

Telling the body to sleep
Cradling memories while we weep
Hope seems to have lost it's grip
Reality begins to slip

The body wrestles to fight
To give life back with all it's might
Victory over death it weaves
Removing darkness as it leaves

Has only one commission
To bring remission
Cancel each dead cell
That no one can tell

Yet another victory won
Leaving none
Not a trace
To the human race

Tears of joy can be heard by all
For the memory no one can recall
A path of destruction like mortal sin
Of the beast that lied deep within
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Larry Whittington
10/22/16
Though not mentioned it sounded like cancer or another disease of the body we may all fear.

I liked the rhymes and most of the even rhythms of the lines. That is always hard with so little time.

Write as often as you can. Sometimes, let the idea work itself in your thoughts before you begin to write.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
10/31/16
This is a powerful piece, and it did give me goosebumps. I'm not good at hearing rhythm, so I won't say much to that, but to my tone-deaf ears, it did seem to flow, and I liked the rhymes. I could almost hear the scary (da-da-dum) music playing in the background as I read. I don't know for sure, but in my humble opinion, I think you may have missed the topic a tiny bit. Cancer certain affects one's health, so you touched on it, but the main focus was more illness than health, if that makes any sense. I know some people don't care for dark messages. I tend to write on the darker side myself, so I totally get it. I think it's vital to our health to let that darkness out, and I sense like you, I tend to do it with words. I do like what you wrote, and I know it can be easy to get discouraged. I've found what has helped me the most is to read and comment on as many other entries as possible. By seeing and stating what does or doesn't work for me, I'm able to adjust that to my own work. I used to write dream endings, for example, until I discovered I didn't particularly care for them in other stories, now I have different endings. I think you have a talent, definitely an artistic flair, and I look forward to reading more of your work.