How to Make a Guy Happy | Previous Challenge Entry

how it works

TITLE: How to Make a Guy Happy | Previous Challenge Entry
By Art Westefeld
08/25/16
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There was a song in the 1960s telling people "if you want to be happy, make an ugly woman your wife. Then there is an old joke about a good wife being deaf, dumb, and blind, and owns a liquor store. I don't stand by either theory. I want a wife who lets me live life the way I want it, at least as far as my health and diet goes. I don't think eating junk food constantly is good for me, but I want to eat more burgers and pizza and drink an occasional beer without being harassed by my wife Mandy. My name is Jack and as Mandy likes to remind me I don't know Jack about eating healthy, or as all those health websites she visits tell her I ought to eat. I tell her that as the man of the house I can choose to eat what I want, even if she is more in favor of fish, chicken, and veggies.

It's not like I'm into porn, smoking, illegal drugs, or heavy drinking; no, I just want to eat what I want to eat, without getting fat or bugged by Mandy. I heard a commercial on the radio on my way home from work. They wanted to test a diet pill on men my age who ate a steady diet of fast food. They said that in animal testing it lowered fat by twenty percent and increased lean muscle mass by more than fifty percent.

I pulled over and placed the number in my cell phone so I could call them in the morning. After I talked it over with Mandy, she says her healthcare research claims that big drug companies are up to no good. I've read some of the articles and they seem legit. No major axes to grind due to falling out with a former employer. Mandy and I discussed the website mentioned in the commercial. Even Googled it and found no issues of the negative kind.

I called and made an appointment with the research group. The following Thursday morning I walked into their office. I was ushered into a back room and asked to strip to my underwear. I was weighed, tested for blood sugar, and other things. I then got dressed and was interviewed about my eating habits. That afternoon when I was let out, I hit a fast food place for a burger, fries, and a soda. I left with a 'We'll call you if you have an acceptable set of test results.'

I heard nothing for almost a week, but on Friday a week after the tests, I got a call to come in for the treatments. It consisted of a bottle of pills and a sit down with a doctor who told me to take the pills twice a day, and she also told me not to change my eating habits. No problem there. I was instructed to come in again about a month from now for more testing to see how I was doing. So I made the follow up appointment. Then I went for tacos and soda. Mandy wasn't happy about the instruction not to change the way I was eating. I noticed more veggies at dinner, as well as more fresh salad. Also, more non-red meat in our dinners, chicken, fish, and such.

I went back to the web to see if they published the list of ingredients in the pills. It was a mix of fat blockers, a low dose of blood sugar medication, and testosterone, to build the muscle tissue supposedly. I noticed that my slight belly was disappearing, and my muscles were growing thicker against my shirt sleeves.

The month of my pills went very quickly, then my second appointment came around. They weighed me, drew blood for testing and other things like body mass index, whatever that was. The doctor seemed very happy that my first set of tests, the physical, went well. I asked if I could have more of the pills. "No," the doctor responded, "In fact we plan to schedule you for a follow up appointment in two months." To establish a baseline after I was off the pills, compared to how I was pre-pills, and right after the course of medication.

I resigned myself to giving up my gains and losses in the name of science, I guess.

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