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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Trees (12/05/05)
She signed as she slouched on the bed next to the old gas stove. Her tattered, worn clothes smelled of freshly cropped tobacco. Her day was done; she was twenty dollars richer after eighteen hours in the fields. "Jerry, bring me a glass of water, please," she called out to me in the kitchen down the hall. Hurriedly, I filled a glass to the brim and took it to her. "Mom," I said, "This sure was a long day."
For as long as I can remember, my mother had worked in the North Carolina tobacco fields: sometimes in Pitt County, sometimes in Craven County, but mostly in Lenoir County. Then, as her thirteen children got old enough, each of us took our turn to help keep food on the table and clothes on our backs. The days were long and hot; yet, we filled the days with laughter and fun. Mother was our pillar, our rock. In times of adversity, she reminded me of the palm trees in Florida; they would bend, but they would not break.
Nettie Mae, our mother, found the strength to care for all of us by exercising her faith. Almost each evening, she would gather her Bible and walk to the local church for prayer and singing. My mother loved to sing; she also loved to act in church dramas. Regardless of the difficulty in our lives, mother could be heard singing one of the hymns of the church and praying to God as if He were her best friend.
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Garnet Miller 
12/13/05
This is a good beginning to an inspirational story. Try expounding more on your mother's strength and how that changed your life.

Keep writing! This is good:)
Jan Ackerson
12/14/05
When you begin a story with a pronoun without an antecedent, your reader does not know who you are writing about. We're six sentences in before we know she is your mother. Consider re-writing the opening sentence.

She's a wonderful character, and I'd love to read more about her, her 13 children, her hard work, and her faith. You've given us a delicious appetizer. Hope to read the main course soon.