Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: A MIGHTY FORTRESS (don't write about the song) (04/23/15)
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TITLE: Sons and Daughters | Previous Challenge Entry
By Gloria Pierre Dean
04/30/15 -
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These underground beings had made homes for themselves in hollow spaces in the subterranean places under the earth. They had spy holes and watched out for the earth people so they could sneak out, follow them, steal from them or attack them.
Out of love for his earth people, Lord Denih had sent helpers and protectors. They would go with them whenever they had to travel out of the kingdom, protect them and give them advice.Over time the earth people began to realize they were stronger if they did not travel alone and if they asked the Lord he would send protectors with them.
Another means of protection was music and singing. The earth people had musical instruments. Their music was happy and joyful. This method was very effective.
The earth people were each given armor that had to put on. Part of the armor was a sword. The sword was powerful and defeated their enemies during attacks. When they did not wear the armor they made themselves vulnerable.
Once there was a great earth battle. Lord Denih sent his only Son to the earth kingdom to fight. In this battle called Resurrection the leader of the underground people was defeated by him.
Lord Son showed the earth people how to fight. He lived among them for a few years. He had many followers and some powerful enemies. He taught them many great truths from the Great Book. He loved them and revealed to them who they really were and did many many miracles. He told the earth people they could do miracles too if they had faith in His Father.
One of his great promises was that he would return for them soon but meanwhile he would send the Chief Helper. They were not to be afraid to live victoriously. After he left the Chief Helper came and remained with earth people so that were not alone in the kingdom.Earth people began to see with new eyes and understand many things. They did not see themselves as small but as sons and daughters and as conquerors. Instead of relying on the walled city they now knew that their Lord himself was a mighty fortress and that he was with them wherever they were.
Epilogue
With the help of the Chief Helper, the Great Book, music and faith they are now seeking to tell other earth people what they know so that they too could live as sons and daughters.
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1. When you make up names, be sure that they are pronounceable, even if they're not English. I didn't know how to pronounce "Denih," and that was slightly frustrating.
2. The events and characters of an allegory should be exactly (or nearly exactly) parallel to the events you're alluding to. Here, you have God, God's son, His ministry, His resurrection, the coming of the Holy Spirit. Allegories are more effective if the events are substantially different from the actual events, so that the reader has an aha! moment. The reader is more likely to retain the lesson if she makes the connection herself. (If you go to my profile and read the story called "Flames" from several years ago, you can see an example of this kind of allegory).
Your writing style, POV, and tense work well for an allegory. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.
Wing His Words