Envious Humility | Previous Challenge Entry

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TITLE: Envious Humility | Previous Challenge Entry
By Sarah Fehr
02/18/15
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My husband, Tom, and I lived in a modest condo for the first few years of our married life. When we were ready to start a family, we decided to look into buying a house of our own. Unfortunately, most of the houses in our desired location were more "mature" than we wished. We were hoping to avoid buying a house, and then spending the first year making repairs as appliances gave up the ghost and beams began to sag.

After looking at our options, we made the decision to buy a lot and have a house built, thereby skirting the need for immediate and extensive updates. Tom was exuberant as he began looking at blueprints and dreaming about construction. On the other hand, I was dreading it. Why? Aside from all the decisions to be made, as well as packing, moving, and unpacking, I chaffed at what I perceived to be the stigma of "one of those people who just builds a house if they can't find one they like." I grew up middle-class, as did my husband, but in his later bachelor years he resided in a rather posh neighborhood and had come to expect everything about his house to be top-of-the-line.

We decided on a square two-story with cappuccino-colored siding, black shingles and trim. When it was said and done, the house looked pretty smart, and definitely "popped." The boxy look made it look much larger than it was. I liked it, but I honestly didn't want to live in it. I pictured inviting family and friends...as they turned down our street they would give a low whistle and make a comment about living in the nice area of town. The whole concept smacked of snobbery, in my book. Not that it was snobbery, just that it smacked of it.

Furthermore, I wished that we had not spent as much money as we did on the house. While some dream of wealth and fame, my daydreams centered on finding a cozy ranch style house, maybe fifty years old. I even searched houses on line just to imagine what we could have bought for much less money. Then when we invited family and friends, they would turn down our street and mildly think, "Oh, these are cute little houses."

Are you noting the pride here? I would have been horrified if anyone had accused me of displaying pride about my house. After all, I really wanted a smaller, more economical home that........would show everybody how humble I was and hint at how much I was sacrificing to display moderation and hint at using our monetary assets for nobler purposes.

One day it hit me. By dragging my feet and dreaming about a "humbler" home, what was I doing to my husband? Every man has a deep desire to care for and provide for his family. Tom felt good about the house he had provided for me, and I was basically throwing it back in his face.

After talking things over with a trusted confidante, I was able to understand that the house we had built was in no way excessive or showy (at least according to American standards). By wanting to appear "humble," I actually came to envy those who did appear "humble" on my self-devised humility scale. And in the process I was disparaging my loving husband's efforts.

Sometimes I just look back at myself and shake my head. It is ridiculously easy for me to turn something noble into something negative. Thank God for grace!

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