Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Husband and Wife (08/08/14)
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TITLE: God's Love | Previous Challenge Entry
By Julene Celander
08/08/14 -
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It had been a rough day. Helen wondered if things could get any worse. But she knew her loving God would make everything ok and tomorrow would be brighter.
She hadn’t seen her husband of fifty-five years for the past thirty-six hours and couldn’t help but wonder how he was holding up. Her only thought was for his well being and for God to give him the strength he needed. She immediately began to pray to God to grant him safety and strength and peace in his present situation.
Her husband pastored the little nondenominational church they both loved so very much. Thirty-seven hours ago they had gotten the call from Sister Lucy. Her husband was involved in a critical accident and the prognosis was not good. He had been rushed to the Mayo Clinic by helicopter.
Lucy was beside herself and didn’t know what to do. Dirk, hearing the tremor and terror in her voice told her to be ready in forty-five minutes and he would be there to pick her up. They were headed to the clinic; a two hour drive. I remained behind to field phone calls and to pray for their safe passage and of course for Brother Charlie…the accident victim.
It had been a day of phone calls, the first one activating the phone tree to form a constant open line to God through the congregation’s prayers. Of course all the members wanted to know circumstances and continually called throughout the day for updates. I provided what I could and encouraged them to continue their prayers.
It was now three o’clock in the morning and the sound of gravel crunching in the driveway made my heart jump into my throat. Dirk was home. I looked out the kitchen window and saw a sleepy, exhausted, downhearted man dragging himself out of the car. My heart ached.
“Helen, you didn’t have to wait up for me.”
“Yes, dear, I did. I knew you would be exhausted and I wanted to be here with a hug and a kiss to welcome you home. And, I know you need to unburden yourself from the day.”
“How in the world did I ever get lucky enough to find you? You make me feel like the most important thing in your life!”
“You are important to me my love. But you are not the most important thing in my life.”
Somewhat taken aback Dirk asked, “If I am not the most important thing, then what is? If you can treat me with such warmth and tenderness, I can only imagine how you treat the most important thing in your life.”
“But, Dirk. You are the one who taught me what should be my first love and the most important thing in my life. You taught me God first no matter what is happening around me.”
“So I did. Do you suppose that has anything to do with the fact that we have been married for fifty-five years my little turtledove?”
“You know it does, Pastor. When I agreed to marry you all those years ago I promised to submit, love, honor, obey, and cherish. Not only have I kept those promises, I have kept the one to you to be a part of your ministry and support it any way God gives me the ability to do so. God blessed us with each other and with Him as the head of our household, we have the strength and passion to do His will.”
“Oh Helen, you are such a joy and delight. Do you fully understand what it means to me to have you at my side in life and in ministry? I can trust you with everything. I know the house is always spit-spot and ready for company. My clothes are clean and neatly pressed. My rotund appearance is proof you can whip up delicious meals. But the most important thing of all… you actually listen to my sermons and aren’t afraid to admit you learned something new from the Holy Spirit. You are a wonderful prayer partner and won’t let me leave the house without prayer and a devotional. You are always here whatever time I return home with a welcoming hug and encouraging words.”
“I love you my dear husband and pastor. Only God can hold a marriage together through trials and tribulations. Maybe your next sermon should be ‘God’s Loving Couple’.
“Amen, sweetheart, AMEN.”
“So, unburden your soul and then we can snuggle.”
He smiled.
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God Bless!
The true emotions flowed from the story.
Just the right amount of conversation.
To give a little more helpful feedback, I had some trouble figuring what was going on in the beginning. It might just be me.
Well done, great job!
God bless~
I would like to make a few opinions on what would, to me, make this a stellar piece.
Use active description. If you go back and see all the "was, had, is etc.." passive words. these tell and put the emphasis on the wrong part. Use active description. It shows instead of tells the story.
Your first line/paragraph needs to grab us. I would have used the one paragraph when he came home, "It was now three o’clock in the morning and the sound of gravel crunching in the driveway made my heart jump into my throat. Dirk was home. I looked out the kitchen window and saw a sleepy, exhausted, downhearted man dragging himself out of the car. My heart ached."
That would have drawn us in to find out, "Why".
Great job.
Hope this helps.
God bless.
This is a very homey piece with good marriage ethics.
However, like Jason I found the beginning a little confusing. I wasn't quite sure if you were at the house of the accident victim or yours...wasn't sure if the story was about Helen or Lucy. You can also use short sentences to make special emphasis instead of using "and" frequently...just a suggestion.
You presented a lovely story however. Well done. Keep writing.