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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Game (12/06/12)
All of us kids were in the last room on the left, Bob and Bill’s bedroom. Bob was the youngest of the five of us kids and I was two years older than my brother Bob, so I was 13 this Christmas. Carol, Bill and Carmen are my older siblings, they were 18, 20 and 22. And this Christmas Eve, We also had Carol’s boyfriend, Roger, he was a new addition to our old family tradition of waiting for Santa Claus to leave so we could open our presents, early.

We were all huddled around the bedroom door that was left open just ajar, listening for the jingle bells, but I guess Santa couldn’t find the bells this particular year because we instead heard the sound of pots and pans banging together, then a loud, “Ho ho ho!”

We did our part by making snoring noises as we all giggled, pretending to fool Santa, “As if,” I thought, but it was still fun to act it all out.

Mom started out with “Oh hello Santa!” Then Dad’s voice, but he was using a much lower tone to disguise his voice, “How were Bobby, Connie, Billy, Carol and Carmen, this year?” Previous years I would have been slightly afraid of what my Mom’s answer would be, but I was growing up and I knew it wasn’t really Santa’s voice. Then my Mom again, “Oh Santa, they were good kids.”

The chit chat would go on for a few more minutes, While we all could hardly wait to open our presents. Santa took a few cookies, a gulp of milk and he was off, back up the chimney.

Next, Dad would call us all out and we would gather in the living room for prayer. We all got on our knees and thanked God for another year and for the gift of His Son, Jesus Christ.

Each of us took a seat, Mom passed out the presents and we dug in. There was soon, paper, ribbon and tape everywhere. I remember getting a game called, “Don’t Spill The Beans” And something extra special from Carol and her boyfriend, Roger, they got Bob and me, hamsters. Mine was a girl and they named her Andravitch and Bob’s was named Rosconacough.

Many more Christmas Eve’s have passed, and in the next years I had five kids of my own, all almost grown now. We have made traditions of our own, but I will always look back on that Christmas Eve as extra special.

A true story
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This article has been read 694 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
C D Swanson 
12/14/12
I loved this heart warming story. I smiled at the names of the hamsters! I couldn't even pronounce them at a young age, let alone remember them! LOL.

What a lovely memory.

Thanks for sharing.

GOd Bless~
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
12/16/12
This is a sweet story. I really enjoyed this little jaunt into the past with your MC.

The judges score from 0 to 5 on eight different criteria.I think in this piece the one that will score lower is the on on topic. Though you mentioned a game near the end, had I not known the topic I would have guessed the topic was traditions.

However, don't let that worry you because you still have 7 more. The first paragraph told a lot of back story. For a story this short you want to start right off with an attention grabber. Your second paragraph did just that. Your transitions were smooth and easy to follow. You also did a nice job with the crafting sections producing a well-written story. The only thing I noticed in the crafting criteria is make sure to start a new paragraph each time someone different speaks-even if it's just one or two words. Your ending was perfect and wrapped everything up for the next generation. I believe that your family will pull this story out year after year and will be touched by your lovely words. It was a delight to read this and I feel honored to be let into a precious memory in your mind. These words will not only touch your family but people you may never meet. Good job.
Glynis Becker
12/17/12
Obviously a beautiful memory. Thank you for sharing it with us.
Lynda Lee Schab 
12/17/12
What a wonderful memory! Thanks for sharing it with us.

Looking at it as a "contest entry," I agree with Shann. The back-story is not really necessary. Starting off with the action is almost always the way to go.

Loved the story, though! :-)