The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
11/07/09
This starts out in the present and then begins a day dream of sorts, then scriptural support for marriage. I would have loved to read more the the story how this man became a great dad and husband.
I feel as if I am reading two different stories. Try to stick with one idea and develop it. It would have been great to either do a story on the family, or a different essay on God's blueprint for marriage. Keep writing.
I agree with the other comments--love the storyline you started with, but I felt that I was left hanging when you switched to the other. Both are good ideas that could be developed further--stick with it!
11/11/09
In the first part of this story, which seemed totally separate from the second part, you use more than one tense. I would like to have seen you complete a story about the dad/husband or expound more on the blessings of marriage. Do continue to write. Laura