The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
07/26/08
Very interesting.

You leave the reader wondering, which can be good, but not here. The reader needs a peek into the life of the one waiting for the call. Why will this phone call be so troubling? What makes this call different from other calls? The reader needs a bit more background. The clifthanger ending is great, but make the reader beg you for more.

Great job.
07/27/08
????? what happened? You can't leave it there?

Your descriptions are great. Next time, take advantage of the 750 word count and give us a longer story...please?

Also, it helps the reader if you put an extra space between paragraphs.

Good writing. Keep it up.
07/27/08
The descriptions and build up are good but it's hard to connect with the person without more information.