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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Angry (08/02/07)
“I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!” Jade screamed as the black Mustang tore off, abandoning her to the desert night.

One minute she was on her way to Las Vegas, hoping to wake up in a honeymoon suite. The next, she was alone on the highway, dabbing a split lip with her shirt and holding her throbbing head. Her right eye was swollen shut.

Brad had seemed different than the rest. He had only beaten her up twice in the past month. She didn’t see this coming. She took about five steps and collapsed.

No one knew how long the woman had been unconscious. The doctors told Jesse that if he hadn’t found her when he did, she might not have made it through the night. He’d been coming back from a conference in Vegas and left especially early to beat the heat. He might have driven right past the body if not for all the traffic.

“The lady is awake, sir.”

Jesse looked up from his seventh cup of coffee. It had been ten years since he last saw her. He stood and followed the nurse to the room, wondering if it had been long enough.

Her husband was the last person Jade expected to step into the room, the last man she expected to wake up to.

“It was you.”

One look was enough to erase a lifetime of rage-filled, anxiety-driven thoughts. Angry voices—-mom, dad, boyfriends—-were silenced. The faces in her head, screaming for her to fulfill their every impulse, vanished. There was no one to be mad at anymore.

“I’m here, Jade,” he said. “I loved you before I knew you. I loved you when we were in first grade. I loved you when I married you. I loved you when you went away. I still love you.”

Jade slipped a gold ring from her right hand to her left. “Jesse, take me home.”
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Willa Maye
08/13/07
Some of the details in your story are clear, other times, not so clear. Okay,so is this a story about a re-occurring theme of domestic violence in the life of one woman; the re-uniting of a man and his wife; or about a waywardly confused woman, who is married to two men? I am also having trying to understand exactly who is speaking?
Dee Yoder
08/21/07
Your point is a good one to make, but I also was a bit confused about who was speaking.

The change in your point of view (who is doing the speaking and thinking)from one character to another might be one reason I had some trouble following the story. But don't give up! The descriptions of your main characters are very good.