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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Write something suitable for CHILDREN (05/31/07)
He walked alone in the night,he took that life,forever changing someones path,even his own.For he is content in his world,for he beleives he has not been seen,but he has.So tell me why did you take that life,an life that did not belong to you.And so you felt,your bullits had to rain,fillin the air with pain.And so let me tell you ,his family never stopped loving him til the end.And just pray your family will never know such an lost,to one day cover your body with dirt an moss.Run as fast as he can,like the coward you really are.Who made you an self appointed king was it that gun you held in your hands and why not just walk away like an man,making god your biggest fan.For all life is presious,worth more then gold,as one day your story will be told.And this is for my young youth,lay down your swords for the lord.Because only he giveth and only he can taketh away.For all life is presious to the young and old.For bound my soul to the ground I live,let no man taketh away that which is not his.For all life is presious says the lord my god!
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Donna Powers
06/10/07
This is powerful writing and you evoke strong feelings here. There is definite passion in your words. I think it may be a bit intense for children, but I you have talent and your writing shows much promise.
Jacquelyn Horne
06/11/07
This is very confusing, especially as it is geared to children. But there are a lot of nuggets hidden in this. Keep working, and reading other work. It will give you a lot of insight.